Last night was my last night of Follistim, Menopur, and Ganorelix injections. Yay! I don't know if I get to take any of the same medication again later on down the IVF road, but for this time around, I'm done with them. Brad and I went and saw Dr. Norion this morning. I had blood work and an internal ultra sound done. Dr. Norion said my follicles have continued to make nice growth, and Sunday will definitely be the day of the retrieval. I have 22 follicles on my right ovary and 16 on my left. He said that I am at risk of hyper stimulation, so he prescribed me another medication that I get to take for the next eight days to help with that. He asked me how I was feeling and I said I was feeling a little bloated. He said that I should be given the amount of follicles I have and their size. This past Tuesday was the first day that I started feeling too uncomfortable to button up my jeans. One of my friends taught me about the rubber band method for jeans, and that's worked out beautifully!
After meeting with Dr. Norion, I met with one of the nurses. When she walked into the room, she said that her and the other nurses were just looking at my follicle numbers and sizes and they were amazed by how quickly my follicles grew and by how many have grown. I guess not all normally grow, but a large amount of mine have. Let's go eggs! She had me sign a bunch of paperwork. Not as much as last time, but there was enough and it was uncomfortable to sit up straight for a long time (I need some stretchy pants like Nacho Libre). I filled out info about the egg retrieval procedure. I will be under anesthesia for a couple of hours for the procedure, so there were some questions regarding that. I was also given a schedule for the next three days. I get to take a trigger shot of Lupron tonight at 9:00 p.m. on the dot (I already took my hyper stimulation medication today). Then, I get to take an antibiotic starting tomorrow morning, so I don't get an infection from the procedure and continue taking my hyper stim pill. I don't get any injections tomorrow! That's some exciting stuff right there! I get to fast for 8 hours prior to my procedure, which in the past, has made it difficult for the nurses to get an IV into me. I'm going to work on envisioning that my veins are fat and plump for Sunday's procedure even without water. The nurse said that I should feel back to normal by the time I start my next period, in around 8-10 days after the procedure. I am taking off Monday from work, and am planning on going back on Tuesday, but if my body needs more time to recover, I will take more time off. I have already started saying affirmations like, "my body recovers and heals easily." I will be sure to listen to my body and not push it too far. In addition to the schedule, the nurse also gave me a hyper stimulation diet to follow. I am supposed to add more salt and dairy to my diet, cut out sugar and starch, and drink coconut water and vegetable juice. I should also eat eggs. I absolutely LOVE eggs and have two of them a day. Seeing eggs and milk on the list made me happy! I LOVE the raw milk I drink daily, too! I pretty much already eat a hyper stimulation diet as is, minus the high salt, so there's not much I need to do differently.
Brad and I went to Clarks after meeting with Dr. Norion to pick up some organic vegetable juice, soup, milk, bacon, and a few other staples. We also stopped at a Rite Aid pharmacy to drop off the prescription. I didn't know what to expect cost wise, but I knew it was all going to be out of pocket since I have Kaiser and the prescription wasn't requested by my Kaiser doctor. We were given a quote of almost $300! The pharmacist suggested that we shop around and try Walmart's pharmacy. The nurse at HRC also suggested that I go onto goodRX.com to find the cheapest place to fill the prescription. I decided to try out goodRX after school was over. Brad dropped me back off at school (I went in for an hour this morning before our appointment with Dr. Norion). Within about 15 minutes after being dropped off, I started feeling really bloated and I was having lower back pain. And to make matters worse, the whole rubber band and jeans trick wasn't cutting it. I didn't want any pressure on my stomach at all! It was really hard to sit, but I was too tired to stand up for a long time. When the kids went out to recess, I checked out goodRX.com and it said that the Vons pharmacy had the medication and it would cost $70. Sweet! I texted Brad and asked him to come pick up the coupon that I printed out from goodRX.com and the prescription request and take it to Vons. He did and came back with the medication 25 minutes later. I took it right away. I made it through until the end of the school day, finished up my sub plans for Monday, and went straight home.
Sitting on the reclining couch at home has been helpful and pretty much pain free. Bending over is no bueno. In fact, I could barely tie my shoes this morning and I had Brad tie my shoes at HRC today. I'm thankful that tomorrow isn't a work day and that I can chill. Dr. Norion said no exercise, so I guess I won't be doing my normal weekend house cleaning, which is a little bit of a challenge for me. If you know me, you know that I have a broom and vacuum fetish and enjoy cleaning. I guess this is another lesson for me in letting go of things, like embracing the tiny sticks that are on my living room rug right now that Betty has brought in from her adventures from outside in the backyard. It's all good. Egg retrieval day is almost here, and I can hardly wait!
Friday, May 5, 2017
Thursday, May 4, 2017
Getting Ready for the Egg Retrieval - IVF
This has been an eventful, busy week full of blessings and it isn't over yet. On Tuesday night, Brad gave me my injections like normal. I even did a full body scan like I do before my daily meditation. I started at the top of my head and took deep breaths thinking about my entire body relaxing. Brad started with the Follistim (the one I barely feel) and then he injected the Ganorelix. I thought that it was the Menopur because I felt a burn. After he was done injecting it, he said "Uh-oh," which was a little unsettling for me as I was lying there on the couch. I immediately asked, "What?!?" He said that he thought maybe he hadn't pushed the needle down all the way into my skin because there was a welt on my skin where the injection had been. He thought maybe some of the liquid caused my skin to bubble up. Since I hadn't experienced that reaction before, I kind of panicked. I looked at the bump and it looked like a blister. I still had one more injection, the Menopur (my least favorite one). Brad told me to calm down and relax so he could give me the last injection. I teared up a little, but with his reminder, I put those awful-izing thoughts away and focused on accepting the injection into my body.
After the injections, I iced my stomach and texted my neighbor. It just so happens that my neighbor works in an ER, and has had experience with injections (what a blessing!). While I waited for her to respond, I googled "reaction at Ganorelix injection site." As you know, I try not to google anything about IVF because I don't want to think about what could go wrong and bring that negative energy into my body. However, I felt like this was a good time for an exception. It turns out that many people have experienced a welt after the injection, but I didn't see any pictures of it, so I couldn't quite tell if I had what they were describing. They also mentioned that it happened when the air bubble in the Ganorlelix syringe wasn't removed before injecting. The Ganorelix is the only injection that comes already premixed and in the syringe, and I didn't think to look for air bubbles. The air bubble thing made me more unnerved (someone online mentioned death due to an air bubble being injected - that wasn't what I needed to read at that moment ;)). I didn't hear back from my neighbor, so I walked over there. Brad thought I was a little crazy for wanting to go talk to our neighbor, but I said that I bet I wasn't the first woman who ever went to the ER because of a bad reaction to an IVF medication (at least that's what I was choosing to believe), and going to see my neighbor was like going to the ER and being seen by a doctor so my mind was made up. My neighbors on both side of our house are amazing! We are truly blessed to have them and feel like they are a part of our family. When I went next door, my neighbor was eating dinner outside with her family (sorry for the interruption, guys!), and she stopped everything and helped me out. Wow! She took a look at my stomach and said that it was okay, but to keep an eye out for it growing hot to the touch and/or redness spreading around the welt. She said to ice my stomach. She also said that the air bubble was okay because the injection wasn't injected into an artery. Phew! I was going to be okay. I may have overreacted (don't tell Brad), but the peace of mind I got from my neighbor was priceless. I went back home, iced, went to bed, and woke up in the morning welt-less. Yay!
Going out of order, lets back up to Monday night of this week. One of my friends (the "seasons" and "hen" friend) texted me after reading my blog Monday night and said that she had an appointment with Quest Diagnostics on Wednesday at 7:45 a.m. and would be happy to give me her appointment if I didn't get seen before then, so I could make it to my field trip on time. To me, that was a sign that I was on the right path. What are the odds of a friend having an appointment on the same day that I needed to go in and have an appointment time that would work for me?! Wow! And what an awesome friend to be willing to donate her appointment to me?
Now, let's fast forward to Wednesday morning. I arrived at Quest Diagnostics at 7:01 a.m. (a little later than I had wanted). There were four names ahead of mine on the sign-in sheet, so I thought I'd be good. I waited for about 10 minutes, and no one had been called back yet for blood work. I was anxiously (but trying so hard not to be anxious) watching the time go by. My mom was right about the slow pace there. That was my first experience using Quest Diagnostics, and they did what I needed, so I don't want to complain about them. I'm simply telling my experience as it happened. Anyway, my "hen" friend texted me and said she was on her way. She arrived at 7:15 a.m. and she instantly brought me a sense of peace and calmness. We chatted and she helped make the time go by quickly. I was finally called back at around 7:40 a.m., had by blood drawn, and was sent on my merry way.
I got to school at 7:52 a.m. (the bell rings at 8:00 a.m.) before the start of school. I was able to get some last minute things done before the start of the day (I did forget to put out the math station recording pages and the pocket chart activity for my 1st graders, but my wonderful sub made it all work). The bowling alley trip was really fun and went quite smoothly thanks to the teacher that was in charge of setting it up for all the kinders at our school. After the students went home (it was a minimum day for staff development), I went to lunch with one of my wonderful colleagues and talked her ear off. I am blessed to work with the people that I do. They are more than just colleagues - they are like family. After our short lunch, we went back for a training.
By the end of the training, I was exhausted! I went home for about 45 minutes, played with the girls, and then got in the car to head to HRC in Ontario. There wasn't as much traffic as I had expected, but there was still more than I'm used to. I ended up getting there right on time. Dr. Norion said that they had received my blood work from Quest and that all my hormone levels looked good. He gave me an internal ultra sound and measured my follicles. He said that my follicles are growing nicely and that Sunday is still the plan for the egg retrieval. Apparently, there is an egg inside of each follicle, so a growing follicle means a growing egg. I currently have 18 follicles on my right ovary and 14 on the left. He also said that the lining of my uterus is great. Based on the ultra sound and blood work, he decreased the dosage of my Follistim. I sent the info to the person that gives me acupuncture, and she said that she wants to see the size of the follicles on Friday morning, and decide at that time if she'll give me acupuncture Friday afternoon.
It took me an hour to get home (lots of traffic), but I talked to my mom via Blue Tooth the whole way home, so it went by pretty quickly. When I got home, I started getting all my stuff ready for injections. Brad wasn't home Wednesday night because he had a work dinner. His aunt (and mine, too :)), said she'd be honored to come give me my injections. Another blessing! I'm pretty sure that I couldn't have given myself the injections. Nope, that wouldn't have been good. She's a nurse and she lives right by us, so it worked out perfectly. She's amazing! She suggested that I use a heating pad before the injection. One of my friends on Facebook suggested the same thing but I never tried it because I knew what to expect with the ice and I was worried that the heat may not work for me. Since she was the second person to suggest that to me, and since she is a nurse, I decided to give it a shot. I actually had the heating pad out already. The heating pad worked nicely. I think it even made the Menopur burn less. She stayed for awhile after the injections and we chatted. I am loved!
Now, it's Thursday afternoon. Brad is back and will give me my injections tonight. I see Dr. Norion tomorrow morning. If all goes well, he'll tell me about the retrieval on Sunday and will tell me about the trigger shot I'm supposed to start taking before the retrieval.
Since the beginning of our IVF journey, I have felt like this is what we were meant to do. I don't regret any of this process. I don't regret the medication that has entered my body. I don't regret the thousands of dollars spent. I don't regret the time on appointments. No, there are no regrets. I welcome it all because every single part of this journey is taking me to where we're meant to be. There have been many things that I hadn't expected, like deeper friendships being made, a deeper appreciation for doctors, a deeper appreciation for modern medicine, using Facebook again (I don't go on the News Feed part very often yet - baby steps :)), a better understanding of my self, a feeling of connectedness with others, and so much more. Oh, and I also never expected to feel like a hen taking care of her eggs, but now, that's exactly what I feel like. I've got you eggs!
After the injections, I iced my stomach and texted my neighbor. It just so happens that my neighbor works in an ER, and has had experience with injections (what a blessing!). While I waited for her to respond, I googled "reaction at Ganorelix injection site." As you know, I try not to google anything about IVF because I don't want to think about what could go wrong and bring that negative energy into my body. However, I felt like this was a good time for an exception. It turns out that many people have experienced a welt after the injection, but I didn't see any pictures of it, so I couldn't quite tell if I had what they were describing. They also mentioned that it happened when the air bubble in the Ganorlelix syringe wasn't removed before injecting. The Ganorelix is the only injection that comes already premixed and in the syringe, and I didn't think to look for air bubbles. The air bubble thing made me more unnerved (someone online mentioned death due to an air bubble being injected - that wasn't what I needed to read at that moment ;)). I didn't hear back from my neighbor, so I walked over there. Brad thought I was a little crazy for wanting to go talk to our neighbor, but I said that I bet I wasn't the first woman who ever went to the ER because of a bad reaction to an IVF medication (at least that's what I was choosing to believe), and going to see my neighbor was like going to the ER and being seen by a doctor so my mind was made up. My neighbors on both side of our house are amazing! We are truly blessed to have them and feel like they are a part of our family. When I went next door, my neighbor was eating dinner outside with her family (sorry for the interruption, guys!), and she stopped everything and helped me out. Wow! She took a look at my stomach and said that it was okay, but to keep an eye out for it growing hot to the touch and/or redness spreading around the welt. She said to ice my stomach. She also said that the air bubble was okay because the injection wasn't injected into an artery. Phew! I was going to be okay. I may have overreacted (don't tell Brad), but the peace of mind I got from my neighbor was priceless. I went back home, iced, went to bed, and woke up in the morning welt-less. Yay!
Going out of order, lets back up to Monday night of this week. One of my friends (the "seasons" and "hen" friend) texted me after reading my blog Monday night and said that she had an appointment with Quest Diagnostics on Wednesday at 7:45 a.m. and would be happy to give me her appointment if I didn't get seen before then, so I could make it to my field trip on time. To me, that was a sign that I was on the right path. What are the odds of a friend having an appointment on the same day that I needed to go in and have an appointment time that would work for me?! Wow! And what an awesome friend to be willing to donate her appointment to me?
Now, let's fast forward to Wednesday morning. I arrived at Quest Diagnostics at 7:01 a.m. (a little later than I had wanted). There were four names ahead of mine on the sign-in sheet, so I thought I'd be good. I waited for about 10 minutes, and no one had been called back yet for blood work. I was anxiously (but trying so hard not to be anxious) watching the time go by. My mom was right about the slow pace there. That was my first experience using Quest Diagnostics, and they did what I needed, so I don't want to complain about them. I'm simply telling my experience as it happened. Anyway, my "hen" friend texted me and said she was on her way. She arrived at 7:15 a.m. and she instantly brought me a sense of peace and calmness. We chatted and she helped make the time go by quickly. I was finally called back at around 7:40 a.m., had by blood drawn, and was sent on my merry way.
I got to school at 7:52 a.m. (the bell rings at 8:00 a.m.) before the start of school. I was able to get some last minute things done before the start of the day (I did forget to put out the math station recording pages and the pocket chart activity for my 1st graders, but my wonderful sub made it all work). The bowling alley trip was really fun and went quite smoothly thanks to the teacher that was in charge of setting it up for all the kinders at our school. After the students went home (it was a minimum day for staff development), I went to lunch with one of my wonderful colleagues and talked her ear off. I am blessed to work with the people that I do. They are more than just colleagues - they are like family. After our short lunch, we went back for a training.
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| My lining |
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| Some of my follicles (eggs are inside!) |
Now, it's Thursday afternoon. Brad is back and will give me my injections tonight. I see Dr. Norion tomorrow morning. If all goes well, he'll tell me about the retrieval on Sunday and will tell me about the trigger shot I'm supposed to start taking before the retrieval.
Since the beginning of our IVF journey, I have felt like this is what we were meant to do. I don't regret any of this process. I don't regret the medication that has entered my body. I don't regret the thousands of dollars spent. I don't regret the time on appointments. No, there are no regrets. I welcome it all because every single part of this journey is taking me to where we're meant to be. There have been many things that I hadn't expected, like deeper friendships being made, a deeper appreciation for doctors, a deeper appreciation for modern medicine, using Facebook again (I don't go on the News Feed part very often yet - baby steps :)), a better understanding of my self, a feeling of connectedness with others, and so much more. Oh, and I also never expected to feel like a hen taking care of her eggs, but now, that's exactly what I feel like. I've got you eggs!
Monday, May 1, 2017
Injection Monitoring Before the Egg Retrieval - IVF
Affirmation this morning: I find the blessings in every experience.
Busy day today. It began with blood work and an ultra sound at HRC in Rancho at 8:15 a.m. I felt like a normal commuter stuck in work traffic this morning, and I was okay with it. I rocked out to some music and got lost in my thoughts (while driving safely of course). I feel blessed that I work close to home, so the freeway isn't a daily experience for me. I did tear up while driving when I saw a report child abuse billboard that showed a picture of a baby and had a speech bubble next to it that said something along the lines of, "call for me because I can't", but I have been known to tear up about billboards and commercials even when I'm not taking IVF medication. The blood work hurt more this morning than the previous times. The nurse said that the medication can make me more sensitive. I must admit that I have been more sensitive lately.
Busy day today. It began with blood work and an ultra sound at HRC in Rancho at 8:15 a.m. I felt like a normal commuter stuck in work traffic this morning, and I was okay with it. I rocked out to some music and got lost in my thoughts (while driving safely of course). I feel blessed that I work close to home, so the freeway isn't a daily experience for me. I did tear up while driving when I saw a report child abuse billboard that showed a picture of a baby and had a speech bubble next to it that said something along the lines of, "call for me because I can't", but I have been known to tear up about billboards and commercials even when I'm not taking IVF medication. The blood work hurt more this morning than the previous times. The nurse said that the medication can make me more sensitive. I must admit that I have been more sensitive lately.
Going off on a tangent real quickly, two days ago was a little much for me. I was feeling overwhelmed and I actually shed some tears during the Menopur injection that Brad gave me. It only lasted for a couple of hours, though, and then I got out of my funk (Brad may disagree with the couple hours part ;)). One of my friends told me to think of the injections and this time in my life as a season that will pass. That is such a great way to look at this process! If I am not mindful of my thoughts, especially right now, this "season" can seem to be never-ending, but there is an end to this all. I won't be taking injections every night for the rest of my life. No, this is just a season. She also told me that the person who gave her acupuncture told her to visualize herself as a hen protecting her eggs. That was a helpful visualization for me. My main focus right now is growing and protecting the eggs that are inside of me, all the while being mindful, present, and optimistic. All the experiences I'm encountering are blessings indeed. The injections are a blessing because they exist, which I'm so grateful for, and because they are tool to help get me one step closer towards becoming a mom. The burning experience from the Menopur is a blessing because it provides me with daily practice for controlling my thoughts, and because it is a reminder that I am alive. The increased sensitivity I've been experiencing is a blessing because it reminds me that I have feelings and that they will continually change.
Okay, getting back to this morning....after my blood work, I met with Dr. Norion for my internal ultra sound. He said that I have 15 follicles on one side and 17 on the other. All the follicles are maturing nicely. In fact, he said that he thinks my egg retrieval will be this Sunday instead of Monday. I get to add a 3rd injection to my nightly ritual starting tonight (two days earlier than anticipated). I only have four more nights of this round of injections, so I can do it. Brad has really become a pro at the injections. He can get everything ready and administer the injections in less than five minutes. I have found that I do better when I don't look at the needles and when I lie down with an ice pack for five minutes prior. It is a little difficult to breath through the injections because they're administered in my stomach and I don't want to move my stomach (breathing will do that to you :)) because I don't want the needle doing anything funky.
After the ultra sound, Dr. Norion said that he wants to see me Wednesday and Friday (like originally planned). Since I'm using Quest Diagnostics for my blood work this Wednesday, I won't see Dr. Norion until late afternoon that day for my ultra sound. I tried to make an appointment with Quest Diagnostics, but they don't have any openings before 8:15 a.m. I'm going to go in there at 6:55 a.m. and hope that I can get in and out of there by 7:30 a.m. It will all work out. I may need to beg someone there to let me go in front of them so I can make it on time to my field trip, though.
This afternoon, I had an acupuncture appointment. I absolutely love my acupuncture doctor! I've gone to her for my knee and for infertility. Dr. Norion knows her, too! In order to best prepare for the egg retrieval, she suggested that I come see her today and then again on Friday. However, when I saw her today and shared with her how many follicles I currently have, she said she may cancel the Friday appointment. She doesn't want to hyperstimulate my ovaries. I'll email her on Wednesday with the size and amount of my follicles. This round of acupuncture increased blood flow to my uterus and helped my follicles improve. It also helped relax me. Acupuncture can sometimes make me nervous because of the needles. Dr. Watkins uses extremely tiny Japanese needles, but I can sometimes feel them more depending on where they're put. Today, she put some in my ears, in the top of my head, in my stomach, and in my legs. She also used electric stem. Once the needles are in, I don't feel anything. I think it is the memory of some of the pain that I've experienced in the past that causes some of my nervousness. It wasn't bad today at all! Maybe that's because I'm used to getting injections now. Ha! There's another blessing of injections - they help me enjoy acupuncture more. While I was resting with the acupuncture needles, she talked to me about getting acupuncture for the actual embryo transfer. She is an OBGYN doctor at Loma Linda, so she has had a ton of experience with infertility. She said that studies have shown that having acupuncture 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after the embryo transfer have shown a 40% increase in success of whatever success rate number Dr. Norion gave me. Sounds good! Unfortunately, I can't have Dr. Watkins administer the acupuncture because the transfers are done in Pasadena, and she doesn't work out there. She did say that HRC in Pasadena has someone who does acupuncture there. I'm going to look into it.
This evening, I had an appointment with my therapist. I've been going to him a couple times a month for years and he's wonderful! I go to the doctor's, to yoga, walk, eat healthy, etc. for physical health, and I go to my therapist for mental and well being health. I believe physical health and mental health go hand in hand. My thoughts are powerful and if I don't have control of my thoughts, especially the thoughts that tend to sneak up on me during IVF, I can make myself miserable! My thoughts can create suffering or joy - I choose joy. He knows all about our IVF journey. I filled him in on the current happenings.
To end the day, I had my injections. We added the ganorelix. It wasn't bad. No burning (yay!) and even the Menopur seemed to burn less tonight. Brad did inject the follistim needle without putting the follistim in it, but what's one more needle today, right? He said it was just for fun. Nice cover up ;) Between blood work this morning, acupuncture this afternoon, and my injections this evening, I've been poked fifteen times by a needle today, and I'm still smiling (that's a blessing right there!). I can do this!
This afternoon, I had an acupuncture appointment. I absolutely love my acupuncture doctor! I've gone to her for my knee and for infertility. Dr. Norion knows her, too! In order to best prepare for the egg retrieval, she suggested that I come see her today and then again on Friday. However, when I saw her today and shared with her how many follicles I currently have, she said she may cancel the Friday appointment. She doesn't want to hyperstimulate my ovaries. I'll email her on Wednesday with the size and amount of my follicles. This round of acupuncture increased blood flow to my uterus and helped my follicles improve. It also helped relax me. Acupuncture can sometimes make me nervous because of the needles. Dr. Watkins uses extremely tiny Japanese needles, but I can sometimes feel them more depending on where they're put. Today, she put some in my ears, in the top of my head, in my stomach, and in my legs. She also used electric stem. Once the needles are in, I don't feel anything. I think it is the memory of some of the pain that I've experienced in the past that causes some of my nervousness. It wasn't bad today at all! Maybe that's because I'm used to getting injections now. Ha! There's another blessing of injections - they help me enjoy acupuncture more. While I was resting with the acupuncture needles, she talked to me about getting acupuncture for the actual embryo transfer. She is an OBGYN doctor at Loma Linda, so she has had a ton of experience with infertility. She said that studies have shown that having acupuncture 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after the embryo transfer have shown a 40% increase in success of whatever success rate number Dr. Norion gave me. Sounds good! Unfortunately, I can't have Dr. Watkins administer the acupuncture because the transfers are done in Pasadena, and she doesn't work out there. She did say that HRC in Pasadena has someone who does acupuncture there. I'm going to look into it.
This evening, I had an appointment with my therapist. I've been going to him a couple times a month for years and he's wonderful! I go to the doctor's, to yoga, walk, eat healthy, etc. for physical health, and I go to my therapist for mental and well being health. I believe physical health and mental health go hand in hand. My thoughts are powerful and if I don't have control of my thoughts, especially the thoughts that tend to sneak up on me during IVF, I can make myself miserable! My thoughts can create suffering or joy - I choose joy. He knows all about our IVF journey. I filled him in on the current happenings.
To end the day, I had my injections. We added the ganorelix. It wasn't bad. No burning (yay!) and even the Menopur seemed to burn less tonight. Brad did inject the follistim needle without putting the follistim in it, but what's one more needle today, right? He said it was just for fun. Nice cover up ;) Between blood work this morning, acupuncture this afternoon, and my injections this evening, I've been poked fifteen times by a needle today, and I'm still smiling (that's a blessing right there!). I can do this!
Friday, April 28, 2017
The First Day of Injections - IVF
Brad and I met with Dr. Norion yesterday morning. I had my blood drawn (piece of cake) and then had an ultra sound. The ultra sounds are uncomfortable, but the information that Dr. Norion gets from them is well worth the discomfort. Since stopping my birth control last Sunday (I took it for eleven days), I currently have many bunches of follicles growing on both of my ovaries, which is due to my PCOS. In theory, more follicles means more eggs retrieved, so I'm okay with that. Actually, since being diagnosed with PCOS, I haven't found too many down falls about it (excluding the not getting pregnant naturally part of it). I don't struggle with the most common side effects of PCOS, which are irregular ovulation, irregular periods, and being overweight, so that's good. I do have mild acne, but if you read my last post about that (A New Way of Thinking About the Word "Perfect"), I'm not suffering from the mental impact of it any longer. I'm not letting it bother me. So really, the only "negative" effect of PCOS for me is more follicles on each ovary, which seems like kind of a good thing when undergoing IVF. The more eggs removed, the better. Based on the ultra sound, Dr. Norion said everything looks good and is right on schedule. He decreased one of my medications, which is better than increasing them. I go back in again on Monday. If all looks good then, I'll go back in again on Wednesday and Friday. I'll find out on Friday when my egg retrieval will be.
After reading my last post, one of my really good friends suggested that I ask my doctor if I could use Quest Diagnostics to have my blood work done on Wednesday (the day of the field trip). Since there's a Quest Diagnostics in the city I live in, and since they open really early, I'd be able to make it to the field trip on time. She's a smarty for sure! Dr. Norion said he'd allow that for Wednesday. HRC has the ability to draw blood there, so they normally don't use Quest Diagnostics, but they can if needed. Yay! And I don't have to pay an additional charge, either (double yay!). If Wednesday is the day that I do need to go in, I'll go to Quest to have my blood drawn in the morning, then go to school, and then go to HRC in the afternoon for the ultra sound with Dr. Norion. That should work beautifully! My mom suggested that I make an appointment with Quest (another smarty), so I could get in and out fast. I won't get my lab slip from HRC for Quest until Monday, so I'll make the appointment then. One of the perks of sharing my story with people is that I get wonderful advice and suggestions!
After meeting with Dr. Norion, Brad and I signed a ton of legal paperwork. Our nurse said that one of her other patients compared the paperwork to purchasing a home. I would have to agree. We were actually given the paperwork at our last appointment, so we had time to look over everything. We couldn't actually sign anything until we came back to HRC because we needed a witness and a notary. The paperwork gave Brad and I a ton to discuss. Since we are freezing any extra embryo that we don't use, and they'll already be fertilized by Brad's sperm, we had to answer questions about what we would do with the embryo if one of us died or if we got a divorce. We had to choose between destroying the embryo, donating the embryo to someone going through IVF, or donating the embryo to research (they'd be destroyed after the research). Heavy stuff. Brad and I were on the same page about our decisions, so the process was smooth. Honestly, whenever I thought about people freezing their embryo, I thought they did it before being fertilized. If that was the case, the woman would own the embryo, so in the case of divorce or the death of the husband, there wouldn't really be a tie to the male, since the embryo hadn't touched the sperm. But IVF is different.
Once the paperwork was all done, our nurse brought out the needles and training kit for how to administer the injections. There was even a fake little ball that was used to represent the part of stomach that would be injected. Our nurse went over a ton of information. Everything was foreign to me. Brad had already planned on administering my injections, so he took really good notes. He's more of the note taker in our marriage anyway. I thought I only was going to be given one injection per night, but it is actually two and then three starting next Wednesday. That surprised me. Our nurse told us to pick a two hour window that was the same every day for administering the injections. We chose between 5:45-7:45 p.m. (no one call us during that time, okay? Just kidding!). When our nurse was mixing the saline and the Menopur, I saw a large needle. I asked if that was the same needle that would be used for the actual injection, and she said no. Thank goodness! A large needle is used to take out saline from a vile, and then to put the saline into the vile of Menopur. Once the Menopur is all mixed, the needle is changed out to a much smaller one. Our nurse showed me a picture of different places I could get the injection, but she said that the legs should be my last choice. I asked if I could ice the area and she said I should for about five minutes. She also said to pinch the skin together, inject the needle, and then let go of the skin before injecting the medication. I also asked if it was okay to let the Menopur rest for about 15 minutes before injecting it. I read on someone's blog that Menopur burns and that letting it rest for a bit took off some of the edge. She said that was okay to try. Oh, she also recommended to let a drop of the Menopur come out of the needle before injecting it. Something about how that first drop seemed to sting the most. Honestly, I heard and saw everything, but wasn't really processing it as much as I had thought I was (which I found out later that evening when it was time for the injections). I'm so very grateful that Brad took such good notes and was paying attention to everything!
To end the appointment, Brad and I got to pay for IVF. We were expecting the amount (it was given to us at our consultation appointment and by a friend of mine who had gone through IVF), but it was still pretty crazy. We purchased a small car yesterday ;) The cost included the IVF, freezing the extra embryo for a year, ICSI (they're going to hand pick the best sperm and inject it into the embryo that pass the genetic testing), genetic testing, ultra sounds, blood work, and some other things. Paying for everything made it all seem real. I think the paying part is all done for now. We bought all the medication already and then we paid HRC yesterday, so I guess I can keep my purse at home from now on ;)
Fast forward to last night at around 5 p.m. I started feeling a little anxious about actually getting my first injections. I didn't know what to expect. Would Brad have to use a lot of force to get the needles to go in? Would the needles go in all the way? How long would I feel the medication that was injected for? Would I bruise (I forgot to mention that my nurse said we should switch up injection sites and avoid areas that are bruised and tender) after the first two injections? Once 5:45 p.m. came around, Brad and I went into the kitchen and started unpacking all the goods. Brad organized everything while I helped out when needed. Yep! He's wonderful. There were a ton of needles because we never use the same one again, even for mixing. Brad mixed the Menopur first. Thank goodness he was paying attention about how to put the needles on and do all the other small but very important details. If it had just been me, I don't think I could have figured it out. It was all a bit intimidating. Brad put the saline into the Menopur, swirled it around, and then let it sit. I iced my stomach while he was mixing. As the Menopur sat resting, Brad put together the Follistim. I remember our nurse saying that was easier than the Menopur, but it still seem complicated to me. At HRC, I thought I had the whole injection thing down, but at home, I was lost and confused! Now I know how my students feel!
Anyway, when Brad was ready setting up the Follistim, he came at me with the needle. He grabbed some of my stomach skin and...I kind of freaked out and pulled away from him. I wasn't ready yet. We decided that me standing up for the injection would be good (I'm going to lie down for the injections tonight though). After a couple minutes, I was as ready as I would be. I looked away and Brad injected the Follistim. I didn't feel the needle going in, but I did feel the medication going in. It wasn't bad, I just felt it. After realizing I could handle it (I knew I could ;)), I was ready for the Menopur. Oh, the only thing we forgot to do before taking the Follistim was wiping my stomach with an alcohol swab. I think that is pretty good for our first time. Brad injected me with the Menopur. I felt that. It felt like Brad was moving the needle around going from side to side. I asked him if he was doing that, and he said the needle was perfectly still. Just as I was about to say, okay, we need to take the needle out, it was done. After the needle was out, I felt uncomfortable. I sat down on the couch for about five minutes while Brad cleaned everything up. I though the injections would be like shots where it burns when the medication is being injected, but then stops burning after the shot is done. Wrong. I felt it for about five minutes. And then, it was gone. I had made it. We had made it.
Today, I have felt sore all day. I didn't want to put my jeans on for work because I didn't want any pressure on my stomach where the injections had been administered. I feel like I did an ab workout yesterday, and I am definitely babying my stomach. I normally let Betty Boo jump up on me (don't judge) when I get home, but not today. I have been working on visualizing my stomach healing. I don't see any bruises. Honestly, it's a little scary thinking about having seven more nights of injections, and doing them on an already sore stomach. I know I'll be okay. I know I'm strong, but those scared thoughts have snuck their way in. I can't help but think about all the women that have done IVF before, many of them having done it multiple times, and about how strong they had to be both mentally and physically. IVF is no walk in the park, but I am so grateful for its existence!
After reading my last post, one of my really good friends suggested that I ask my doctor if I could use Quest Diagnostics to have my blood work done on Wednesday (the day of the field trip). Since there's a Quest Diagnostics in the city I live in, and since they open really early, I'd be able to make it to the field trip on time. She's a smarty for sure! Dr. Norion said he'd allow that for Wednesday. HRC has the ability to draw blood there, so they normally don't use Quest Diagnostics, but they can if needed. Yay! And I don't have to pay an additional charge, either (double yay!). If Wednesday is the day that I do need to go in, I'll go to Quest to have my blood drawn in the morning, then go to school, and then go to HRC in the afternoon for the ultra sound with Dr. Norion. That should work beautifully! My mom suggested that I make an appointment with Quest (another smarty), so I could get in and out fast. I won't get my lab slip from HRC for Quest until Monday, so I'll make the appointment then. One of the perks of sharing my story with people is that I get wonderful advice and suggestions!
After meeting with Dr. Norion, Brad and I signed a ton of legal paperwork. Our nurse said that one of her other patients compared the paperwork to purchasing a home. I would have to agree. We were actually given the paperwork at our last appointment, so we had time to look over everything. We couldn't actually sign anything until we came back to HRC because we needed a witness and a notary. The paperwork gave Brad and I a ton to discuss. Since we are freezing any extra embryo that we don't use, and they'll already be fertilized by Brad's sperm, we had to answer questions about what we would do with the embryo if one of us died or if we got a divorce. We had to choose between destroying the embryo, donating the embryo to someone going through IVF, or donating the embryo to research (they'd be destroyed after the research). Heavy stuff. Brad and I were on the same page about our decisions, so the process was smooth. Honestly, whenever I thought about people freezing their embryo, I thought they did it before being fertilized. If that was the case, the woman would own the embryo, so in the case of divorce or the death of the husband, there wouldn't really be a tie to the male, since the embryo hadn't touched the sperm. But IVF is different.
Once the paperwork was all done, our nurse brought out the needles and training kit for how to administer the injections. There was even a fake little ball that was used to represent the part of stomach that would be injected. Our nurse went over a ton of information. Everything was foreign to me. Brad had already planned on administering my injections, so he took really good notes. He's more of the note taker in our marriage anyway. I thought I only was going to be given one injection per night, but it is actually two and then three starting next Wednesday. That surprised me. Our nurse told us to pick a two hour window that was the same every day for administering the injections. We chose between 5:45-7:45 p.m. (no one call us during that time, okay? Just kidding!). When our nurse was mixing the saline and the Menopur, I saw a large needle. I asked if that was the same needle that would be used for the actual injection, and she said no. Thank goodness! A large needle is used to take out saline from a vile, and then to put the saline into the vile of Menopur. Once the Menopur is all mixed, the needle is changed out to a much smaller one. Our nurse showed me a picture of different places I could get the injection, but she said that the legs should be my last choice. I asked if I could ice the area and she said I should for about five minutes. She also said to pinch the skin together, inject the needle, and then let go of the skin before injecting the medication. I also asked if it was okay to let the Menopur rest for about 15 minutes before injecting it. I read on someone's blog that Menopur burns and that letting it rest for a bit took off some of the edge. She said that was okay to try. Oh, she also recommended to let a drop of the Menopur come out of the needle before injecting it. Something about how that first drop seemed to sting the most. Honestly, I heard and saw everything, but wasn't really processing it as much as I had thought I was (which I found out later that evening when it was time for the injections). I'm so very grateful that Brad took such good notes and was paying attention to everything!To end the appointment, Brad and I got to pay for IVF. We were expecting the amount (it was given to us at our consultation appointment and by a friend of mine who had gone through IVF), but it was still pretty crazy. We purchased a small car yesterday ;) The cost included the IVF, freezing the extra embryo for a year, ICSI (they're going to hand pick the best sperm and inject it into the embryo that pass the genetic testing), genetic testing, ultra sounds, blood work, and some other things. Paying for everything made it all seem real. I think the paying part is all done for now. We bought all the medication already and then we paid HRC yesterday, so I guess I can keep my purse at home from now on ;)
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| Follistim Pen all set to inject |
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| Injecting saline into Menopur |
Later on that night, I asked Brad if he had enjoyed poking me. He said he didn't. I asked him what he had thought about it, and he said he thought it was cool. Ha! Well I'll take cool over dislike any day.
Today, I have felt sore all day. I didn't want to put my jeans on for work because I didn't want any pressure on my stomach where the injections had been administered. I feel like I did an ab workout yesterday, and I am definitely babying my stomach. I normally let Betty Boo jump up on me (don't judge) when I get home, but not today. I have been working on visualizing my stomach healing. I don't see any bruises. Honestly, it's a little scary thinking about having seven more nights of injections, and doing them on an already sore stomach. I know I'll be okay. I know I'm strong, but those scared thoughts have snuck their way in. I can't help but think about all the women that have done IVF before, many of them having done it multiple times, and about how strong they had to be both mentally and physically. IVF is no walk in the park, but I am so grateful for its existence!
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| I got a picture this time (just before injection) |
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| My stomach before any injections |
Friday, April 21, 2017
Egg Retrieval Medications - IVF
I started birth control last Wednesday and will take my last pill on my birthday this Sunday (what a wonderful present!). Last Tuesday night, I thought about how the birth control pill I'd take the following morning was going to signify the beginning of our IVF process. It was going to be the first day of many where I'd be putting something into my body that I normally wouldn't. It was going to be the day that I would start my positive outlook and acceptance of taking medication. I envisioned being mindful of taking the pill, and thought maybe I'd even take a picture of this meaningful moment. But, come Tuesday morning, I woke up to Betty, our almost one year old golden doodle, throwing up a little grass. She's a sensitive girl, so the throwing up wasn't really a concern, but it definitely wasn't how I had envisioned starting that morning. After cleaning the mess up (and doting on Betty Boo), I went to feed the girls and continue on with my morning, planning on being so very mindful of taking my first pill. Right after I had put the food bowls down, Betty started acting like she was going to throw up again. I tried to get her out the backdoor so she'd make a mess outside instead of inside, but she didn't make it. When I ran back into the kitchen to get a towel, Bailey, our 10 year old labradoodle, was eating Betty's food! Needless to say, things were not going as planned and all of the extra happenings that morning had put me behind schedule of getting ready for work. I grabbed my vitamins and first birth control pill, put them in my mouth, took a swig of water, swallowed, and got dressed for work.
It wasn't until that evening that I realized I hadn't been mindful of taking my pill. No, it wasn't the magical, special moment I had envisioned, but it was okay. No regrets. No feelings of a lost picture opportunity. Apparently, a picture wasn't supposed to happen and I was supposed to get another lesson, an ever so gentle reminder, that I can not plan this path ahead of me. The only thing I have control of are my thoughts, but even those got away from me last Wednesday morning.
Brad and I went and saw Dr. Norion last Thursday. We were given a rough time line of things to come. We also talked about our carrier screening results and genetic testing. Brad's carrier screening results were great. He's not a carrier of any of the 106 diseases that we were tested for. Mine came back with three things I'm a carrier for. Since Brad isn't a carrier of the things I am, we don't need to genetically test the embryo searching for anything specific. I'm a firm believer in the saying that I'm only subject to that with which I hold in mind, so I'm choosing to not put any further thought into the three things I'm a carrier for.
In regards to the time line we were given, Brad and I get to go back to HRC on the 27th. We'll be taught about how to administer the injections and I'll start those on that same day. I'm actually really looking forward to starting the injections, and who knows, maybe I'll even get a picture this time. Ha! Since I have accepted that I'll be taking medication for IVF, I'm choosing to only think about how they'll be benefiting me in the long run. I am choosing to not look at any possible side effects of the medications, and plan on taking one day at a time. I'll also have blood work and an ultra sound on the 27th. I was able to get my wonderful sub (I just found out yesterday that some students call her Ms. Wonderful) that morning, so that worked out "wonder"fully. In addition to the 27th, I will go back on May 1st for another round of blood work and an ultra sound. At that appointment, I'll find out if the potential May 3rd and May 5th dates I was given are accurate or not. I was able to get Ms. Wonderful for the 1st, too. Yay! The May 3rd and May 5th appointments will be just like the one on the 1st (blood work and ultra sound). They'll be looking to see how my body reacts to the medication. If the dates all stay the same, I could end up having the egg retrieval on May 8th or 9th. Brad and I are going to get a hotel the night before the retrieval because the retrieval is done at the HRC in Pasadena and we don't want to worry about traffic.
The May 3rd appointment, if it happens, will be a little tricky. I am taking my kinders to the bowling alley that morning. The blood work must be done in the AM. I'm going to try my very best to get back from HRC by 8:15 a.m. (they will be open at 7:30 a.m. that morning), but that will be pushing it. I asked my Franny and Aunt Lorie to go on the field trip (they volunteer and read with my students every single week and my students adore them!) and then I'll meet them at the bowling alley if I'm not back in time before the bus leaves. Franny and Aunt Lorie know all about our journey and they are willing to help me in any way. It worked out perfectly that they're both available and willing to help out on the 3rd. I think I'm going to tell the kinder families (I only have six kinders this year), that I have blood work that must be done, but I'm not going to share the IVF part of it. Honestly, missing some time from work is the part I'm the most uncomfortable with, but I feel like I've waited long enough for IVF, and I don't want to wait another month. Plus, I feel like this is the right time for us.
I received all the medications for the egg retrieval today. Someone had to sign for the box, so I had it sent to my dad's work. I'm his lil'girlis, and I knew he'd take his job of helping me out seriously. Sure enough, I received text messages from him throughout the day today keeping me posted, and when the box arrived, he sent me a picture of it in the shop's fridge. He's one of my biggest cheerleaders for sure, and knows every detail of our journey. I went and picked up the box this afternoon, and when I got it home, I was pretty shocked by its contents! I feel like I have a mini-pharmacy in my house right now!
Well, I feel ready for the 27th. I'm looking forward to the next step and will continue to be mindful of every step of the process. There's more to IVF than I had anticipated, but I don't feel overwhelmed by any of it. I feel calm, excited, optimistic, and confident that I'm staying on the perfect path for Brad and I. Whatever the outcome, it will all be okay because it will play out the way that it's intended. I'm sure I have many more lessons to learn throughout this process, but I'm okay with that, too. The lessons will only make me stronger, and will open up new doors. I'm ready.
It wasn't until that evening that I realized I hadn't been mindful of taking my pill. No, it wasn't the magical, special moment I had envisioned, but it was okay. No regrets. No feelings of a lost picture opportunity. Apparently, a picture wasn't supposed to happen and I was supposed to get another lesson, an ever so gentle reminder, that I can not plan this path ahead of me. The only thing I have control of are my thoughts, but even those got away from me last Wednesday morning.
Brad and I went and saw Dr. Norion last Thursday. We were given a rough time line of things to come. We also talked about our carrier screening results and genetic testing. Brad's carrier screening results were great. He's not a carrier of any of the 106 diseases that we were tested for. Mine came back with three things I'm a carrier for. Since Brad isn't a carrier of the things I am, we don't need to genetically test the embryo searching for anything specific. I'm a firm believer in the saying that I'm only subject to that with which I hold in mind, so I'm choosing to not put any further thought into the three things I'm a carrier for.
In regards to the time line we were given, Brad and I get to go back to HRC on the 27th. We'll be taught about how to administer the injections and I'll start those on that same day. I'm actually really looking forward to starting the injections, and who knows, maybe I'll even get a picture this time. Ha! Since I have accepted that I'll be taking medication for IVF, I'm choosing to only think about how they'll be benefiting me in the long run. I am choosing to not look at any possible side effects of the medications, and plan on taking one day at a time. I'll also have blood work and an ultra sound on the 27th. I was able to get my wonderful sub (I just found out yesterday that some students call her Ms. Wonderful) that morning, so that worked out "wonder"fully. In addition to the 27th, I will go back on May 1st for another round of blood work and an ultra sound. At that appointment, I'll find out if the potential May 3rd and May 5th dates I was given are accurate or not. I was able to get Ms. Wonderful for the 1st, too. Yay! The May 3rd and May 5th appointments will be just like the one on the 1st (blood work and ultra sound). They'll be looking to see how my body reacts to the medication. If the dates all stay the same, I could end up having the egg retrieval on May 8th or 9th. Brad and I are going to get a hotel the night before the retrieval because the retrieval is done at the HRC in Pasadena and we don't want to worry about traffic.
The May 3rd appointment, if it happens, will be a little tricky. I am taking my kinders to the bowling alley that morning. The blood work must be done in the AM. I'm going to try my very best to get back from HRC by 8:15 a.m. (they will be open at 7:30 a.m. that morning), but that will be pushing it. I asked my Franny and Aunt Lorie to go on the field trip (they volunteer and read with my students every single week and my students adore them!) and then I'll meet them at the bowling alley if I'm not back in time before the bus leaves. Franny and Aunt Lorie know all about our journey and they are willing to help me in any way. It worked out perfectly that they're both available and willing to help out on the 3rd. I think I'm going to tell the kinder families (I only have six kinders this year), that I have blood work that must be done, but I'm not going to share the IVF part of it. Honestly, missing some time from work is the part I'm the most uncomfortable with, but I feel like I've waited long enough for IVF, and I don't want to wait another month. Plus, I feel like this is the right time for us.
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| All the meds! |
Well, I feel ready for the 27th. I'm looking forward to the next step and will continue to be mindful of every step of the process. There's more to IVF than I had anticipated, but I don't feel overwhelmed by any of it. I feel calm, excited, optimistic, and confident that I'm staying on the perfect path for Brad and I. Whatever the outcome, it will all be okay because it will play out the way that it's intended. I'm sure I have many more lessons to learn throughout this process, but I'm okay with that, too. The lessons will only make me stronger, and will open up new doors. I'm ready.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
The Power of Circle Meetings - Teaching
Circle meetings are a powerful tool that have helped my K/1 students in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I have held a circle meeting every single day this school year, and I can't imagine a day without them. I first learned about circle meetings from the continuing ed courses I took last summer to get my Character Development Certificate. Circle meetings were one of the take aways from the courses that I felt passionate about trying as soon as the new school year began. So this past August, starting day one of the 2016/17 school year, I gave circle meetings a try. As with anything, I have made changes to our daily circle meetings as the school year has progressed, but the meetings have now been fine tuned and are better than I had anticipated.
My six kinder students, nineteen first grade students, one mainstream student, and I begin our morning forming a circle on the carpet. The students actually form their circle while I quickly take attendance. There are some students that enjoy taking the lead and make suggestions to students for how to fill the gaps of the circle. I hear things like, "Jenny, come over here," or, "guys, lets spread the circle out," etc. When I first helped them create a circle, we held hands, but now we don't do that. This group of students prefer to create the circle by moving their own body and not by being pulled by the student's hand next to them. Pulling hands wasn't a problem, it's just something my students decided against. Our circle meetings are very much something that the students get to make decisions about. They all have a voice - we are a classroom family, after all, and families communicate with each other. Forming the circle takes about two minutes.
After the circle is formed, I come over to my spot of the circle (I have a designated spot), and I ask the students to plop down. Then, we think of a body movement we want to use that day for our classroom greeting. A body movement can be anything, and students love giving daily suggestions. Some ideas include flapping arms like birds, holding a pretend umbrella up, making dolphin flukes with hands and moving them. The ideas are normally related to whatever we've been studying in the class, seasons, weather, etc. After they've selected a body movement, I say, "1, 2, 3," and then the students and I say, "Good morning, classroom family." The classroom greeting takes about two minutes.
Then comes the emotion check-in. We have a chart in the class showing different emotions and what a person might look like when they're experiencing that emotion. I numbered the emotions 1-10. 1 is happy, 2 is tired, 3 is excited, 4 is sad, 5 is proud, 6 is hopeful, 7 is loved, 8 is shy, 9 is sorry, and 10 is surprised. I ask the students to think about how they're feeling that morning, and then I say, "1, 2, 3, show me." The students show the number of fingers that represents the emotion they're feeling that morning. If they're feeling an emotion that isn't listed, they hold up a fist. I take note of everyone's signs, and then ask students to put their hand(s) down. Then, I call on a student to start and I ask, "Jenny, how are you feeling this morning?" The student responds with, "I'm feeling _______ because ________." I try to give all students a turn (they'll tell me if I don't call on them :)), but on days when we are really crunched for time, I have the students turn to their neighbor and tell them how they're feeling. Most students only share one emotion, but some students share multiple emotions. I've never experienced a student that took up a ton of sharing time, meaning, I've never had to cut a student off.
The emotions/feelings "happy", "excited", and "sad" are used the most often. "Proud" is common after reading levels have been assessed or Clever certificates have been handed out. "Tired" used to be popular at the beginning of the school year, but after checking out a book from our school library and talking to the students about the relationship between learning and sleep, "tired" lost its popularity. I used to allow students to pass if they didn't feel like sharing, but we talked about that as a class and came up with different things to be happy about, like, "I'm happy because it's a beautiful day today."
The emotion check-in is by far the most powerful part of our circle meeting. I never quite know what the students will share. I've seen quiet a few tears, which always happens right after I ask, "______ , how are you feeling?" It's as if they are touched that someone is taking the time to ask them how they're feeling and really wanting to know. I often think about how adults ask people in passing how they're doing. We ask, "How are you?" as we are walking by, and we normally hear the response of, "Good," or, "Fine," but if we really wanted to know how someone was doing, we wouldn't ask it as we were walking by them. If we really wanted to know how they were feeling, we'd stop, look them in the eye, and ask. Anyway, me asking each student every single school day how they're feeling is important to me. Some of the responses I have heard are, "I'm feeling sad because my cousin died yesterday," "I'm feeling sad because my mom had a tummy-tuck," I'm feeling sad because my dog had surgery," "I'm feeling sad because my mom and dad got in a fight," "I'm feeling sad because my bunny ran away," "I'm feeling sad because my dad went to jail," "I'm feeling sad because my older brother and sister went back to Mexico," etc. The list goes on. I've heard so many happy and excited things, too, but the sad emotions are the ones where true compassion and empathy lessons come into play. Whenever a student shares that they're feeling sad, we give them an air hug by hugging ourselves and sending the hug to that suffering student. We also do that to hurting family members that aren't with us. When students feel trusted enough to have another student share why they're sad with them, something magical happens. There's a deep bond. A bond that connects them to one another and makes them realize that they are not alone. People at school care about their well being and are there for them. When students feel like they can expose their true thoughts and feelings, show who they really are, they find out that they are perfect the way they are. They are not weird for feeling the things they feel. They are not the only ones who think the way they do. They are not the only ones who have experienced loss or a fight between parents. I think they take ownership of their true identity and feel more comfortable in their own skin.
I throw in advice and guide the conversations, but it is the stories the students share with each other that helps to heal the pain. We use "thumbs up" as a nonverbal form of communication. When one of the students shared their cousin died (through his tears), I asked the students how many of them had lost someone or a pet. Almost every single student put up their thumb. They shared things they thought that helped them get through the difficult time. We talked about how this student would need extra kindness throughout the week, and how a warm smile would help him feel better. When one of my students shared that they were sad because their parents were fighting, other students offered stories of how their parents have fought, too. When one of my students shared that she was worried about going to her grandfather's funeral, students shared what it was like when they had gone to one. We encouraged the student to report back about the funeral, and she did.
I could honestly write a daily post about the conversations we have in our circle meetings. I have learned more about my students this year than any previous year and this is my 11th year teaching. Through circle meetings, my students have learned how to identify their emotions, how to self-regulate their thoughts and emotions so they don't get out of control and act them out through a poor choice on campus, how to have empathy and compassion. They've learned how to be a good listener by tracking the speaker and allowing the speaker to finish their comment before adding on. They've learned that although we look different on the outside, we are all so very similar on the inside. We, not just students, have emotions and thoughts. We experience sadness, happiness, etc., and although students are just "kids" and not "adults", their emotions and thoughts are the same size to them that they are to us adults. They need to be heard.
The emotion check-in can take anywhere from 5-15 minutes depending on what topics are brought up. There are so many teachable moments presented by the students sharing! If a circle meeting ends up being quick, I add others things in. Sometimes I read a children's book that teaches about something I've noticed some of the students are struggling with. Sometimes, we do role playing and act out different ways to communicate with our friends about an issue we're having. Sometimes, we have emergency circle meetings if there's something that is affecting the majority of the class and I need their input about it. Every day brings something new.
I am honored that my students feel comfortable enough to share their true emotions, thoughts, and feelings with me and their class, and I feel privileged to help guide them through the process of navigating such complex things. I love being a teacher, and I love my classroom family!
My six kinder students, nineteen first grade students, one mainstream student, and I begin our morning forming a circle on the carpet. The students actually form their circle while I quickly take attendance. There are some students that enjoy taking the lead and make suggestions to students for how to fill the gaps of the circle. I hear things like, "Jenny, come over here," or, "guys, lets spread the circle out," etc. When I first helped them create a circle, we held hands, but now we don't do that. This group of students prefer to create the circle by moving their own body and not by being pulled by the student's hand next to them. Pulling hands wasn't a problem, it's just something my students decided against. Our circle meetings are very much something that the students get to make decisions about. They all have a voice - we are a classroom family, after all, and families communicate with each other. Forming the circle takes about two minutes.
After the circle is formed, I come over to my spot of the circle (I have a designated spot), and I ask the students to plop down. Then, we think of a body movement we want to use that day for our classroom greeting. A body movement can be anything, and students love giving daily suggestions. Some ideas include flapping arms like birds, holding a pretend umbrella up, making dolphin flukes with hands and moving them. The ideas are normally related to whatever we've been studying in the class, seasons, weather, etc. After they've selected a body movement, I say, "1, 2, 3," and then the students and I say, "Good morning, classroom family." The classroom greeting takes about two minutes.
Then comes the emotion check-in. We have a chart in the class showing different emotions and what a person might look like when they're experiencing that emotion. I numbered the emotions 1-10. 1 is happy, 2 is tired, 3 is excited, 4 is sad, 5 is proud, 6 is hopeful, 7 is loved, 8 is shy, 9 is sorry, and 10 is surprised. I ask the students to think about how they're feeling that morning, and then I say, "1, 2, 3, show me." The students show the number of fingers that represents the emotion they're feeling that morning. If they're feeling an emotion that isn't listed, they hold up a fist. I take note of everyone's signs, and then ask students to put their hand(s) down. Then, I call on a student to start and I ask, "Jenny, how are you feeling this morning?" The student responds with, "I'm feeling _______ because ________." I try to give all students a turn (they'll tell me if I don't call on them :)), but on days when we are really crunched for time, I have the students turn to their neighbor and tell them how they're feeling. Most students only share one emotion, but some students share multiple emotions. I've never experienced a student that took up a ton of sharing time, meaning, I've never had to cut a student off.
The emotions/feelings "happy", "excited", and "sad" are used the most often. "Proud" is common after reading levels have been assessed or Clever certificates have been handed out. "Tired" used to be popular at the beginning of the school year, but after checking out a book from our school library and talking to the students about the relationship between learning and sleep, "tired" lost its popularity. I used to allow students to pass if they didn't feel like sharing, but we talked about that as a class and came up with different things to be happy about, like, "I'm happy because it's a beautiful day today."
The emotion check-in is by far the most powerful part of our circle meeting. I never quite know what the students will share. I've seen quiet a few tears, which always happens right after I ask, "______ , how are you feeling?" It's as if they are touched that someone is taking the time to ask them how they're feeling and really wanting to know. I often think about how adults ask people in passing how they're doing. We ask, "How are you?" as we are walking by, and we normally hear the response of, "Good," or, "Fine," but if we really wanted to know how someone was doing, we wouldn't ask it as we were walking by them. If we really wanted to know how they were feeling, we'd stop, look them in the eye, and ask. Anyway, me asking each student every single school day how they're feeling is important to me. Some of the responses I have heard are, "I'm feeling sad because my cousin died yesterday," "I'm feeling sad because my mom had a tummy-tuck," I'm feeling sad because my dog had surgery," "I'm feeling sad because my mom and dad got in a fight," "I'm feeling sad because my bunny ran away," "I'm feeling sad because my dad went to jail," "I'm feeling sad because my older brother and sister went back to Mexico," etc. The list goes on. I've heard so many happy and excited things, too, but the sad emotions are the ones where true compassion and empathy lessons come into play. Whenever a student shares that they're feeling sad, we give them an air hug by hugging ourselves and sending the hug to that suffering student. We also do that to hurting family members that aren't with us. When students feel trusted enough to have another student share why they're sad with them, something magical happens. There's a deep bond. A bond that connects them to one another and makes them realize that they are not alone. People at school care about their well being and are there for them. When students feel like they can expose their true thoughts and feelings, show who they really are, they find out that they are perfect the way they are. They are not weird for feeling the things they feel. They are not the only ones who think the way they do. They are not the only ones who have experienced loss or a fight between parents. I think they take ownership of their true identity and feel more comfortable in their own skin.
I throw in advice and guide the conversations, but it is the stories the students share with each other that helps to heal the pain. We use "thumbs up" as a nonverbal form of communication. When one of the students shared their cousin died (through his tears), I asked the students how many of them had lost someone or a pet. Almost every single student put up their thumb. They shared things they thought that helped them get through the difficult time. We talked about how this student would need extra kindness throughout the week, and how a warm smile would help him feel better. When one of my students shared that they were sad because their parents were fighting, other students offered stories of how their parents have fought, too. When one of my students shared that she was worried about going to her grandfather's funeral, students shared what it was like when they had gone to one. We encouraged the student to report back about the funeral, and she did.
I could honestly write a daily post about the conversations we have in our circle meetings. I have learned more about my students this year than any previous year and this is my 11th year teaching. Through circle meetings, my students have learned how to identify their emotions, how to self-regulate their thoughts and emotions so they don't get out of control and act them out through a poor choice on campus, how to have empathy and compassion. They've learned how to be a good listener by tracking the speaker and allowing the speaker to finish their comment before adding on. They've learned that although we look different on the outside, we are all so very similar on the inside. We, not just students, have emotions and thoughts. We experience sadness, happiness, etc., and although students are just "kids" and not "adults", their emotions and thoughts are the same size to them that they are to us adults. They need to be heard.
The emotion check-in can take anywhere from 5-15 minutes depending on what topics are brought up. There are so many teachable moments presented by the students sharing! If a circle meeting ends up being quick, I add others things in. Sometimes I read a children's book that teaches about something I've noticed some of the students are struggling with. Sometimes, we do role playing and act out different ways to communicate with our friends about an issue we're having. Sometimes, we have emergency circle meetings if there's something that is affecting the majority of the class and I need their input about it. Every day brings something new.
I am honored that my students feel comfortable enough to share their true emotions, thoughts, and feelings with me and their class, and I feel privileged to help guide them through the process of navigating such complex things. I love being a teacher, and I love my classroom family!
Saturday, April 1, 2017
From "Future" to "Present" - Lessons from IVF
I am a planner and take comfort in knowing what is coming up in the future. On the flipside, I love lazy weekends and enjoy the spontaneity of wherever they lead me, but now that I'm thinking about it, hmmm...I actually plan for those types of weekends, too. I plan for the weekends that I have no time frame and can do whatever I'd like to do. Well, there goes the part of my life that I thought I didn't plan. The planning is part of my temperament, though, specifically the "J" in ENFJ, so I embrace it. However, I am quickly realizing that I can't plan for IVF as much as I would like to.
When we first began our IVF journey, the nurse gave us a "get to do" list (saying "have to do" is negative, and since all that I "get to do" is a choice, I don't say "have to do" as much anymore). I tackled that "get to do" list and was excited to do so. I don't write lists on paper, I tend to put them in my notes on my laptop or cell phone. Anyway, walking away with a list made me feel like I was prepared and ready for the future of our IVF journey. The ball was in our court, now. I added things to our list based on our consultation. We "got to" get lab work done (check), call two prescription companies that HRC uses and see if they offer a teacher discount (check - and no, they don't), call Kaiser and see if there was any possibility of them covering anything in regards to IVF (check - and no, they don't), research online about whatever questions popped into my head about IVF (check - and still ongoing), etc. After the first list was complete, we went back to HRC for the SHG and then carrier screening test. From there, I got a new get to do list: contact Counsyl, the company that does the carrier screening, to see if they take Kaiser (check - and no, they don't), email all lab results to our nurse at HRC as they came in (check), etc.
Now that my get to do lists are all done from HRC, and I've done all that I can as far as making sure there weren't any loopholes to try and get some of the IVF covered through insurance, I feel like I'm in limbo land. I called our nurse yesterday, and asked her to give me a timeline. I asked about how we get the medications. I asked about when we'd get to see Dr. Norion again. She was quite patient with me and said that they'll tell me what to do every step of the way, but that they'll tell me as we go, instead of all at once. She said it was kind of hard for planners. She gave me a possible calendar outline, but warned that there are so many variables that will be in play (how my body reacts to the medication, HRC's schedule, etc.) that the dates would more than likely be off. I debated about whether or not I should wait to do the egg retrieval until summer time, so I'd be off from work, but Brad and I decided to do it right away, so that we can implant over summer (we are more than likely doing a frozen transfer, so the transfer won't be done the same month as the retrieval). One of the nurses said the implantation time is the best time to have the least amount of stress, so summer would be ideal.
Back to the phone call with our nurse, she told me that I will take birth control as soon as I start my next period (day two of my cycle actually), which is in about a week or so. I will only be taking the active birth control pills. I'll take those for 10-12 days. I asked who decided on the 10-12 days, and she said that it was dependent on HRC's schedule. In regards to us getting to talk to Dr. Norion again to ask him a few questions and to go over the Counsyl results (we haven't received them yet but should by the end of next week), our nurse said we could come in at the end of next week and meet with her and get a hard copy of a calendar and then meet with Dr. Norion.
After the 10-12 days of birth control, I'll go into HRC and learn about the medications I'll be taking for another two weeks. Brad will go to that meeting with me, so he can learn about how to administer the injections I'll be needing. I'll be monitored throughout the process, via ultra sounds and blood work, but I won't know those dates to come in until I start that medication. There is no way to plan. As one of the nurses put it, they'll be taking over my cycle (I think I mentioned that in a previous post, which I welcomed at first), which takes the control and scheduling part out of my hands. All that's left to do is be present. Live day by day.
As a teacher, I have a specific substitute that I like to use. I normally always give her time in advance of dates I'll need her to sub for me, so I can make sure she's available. I love that she knows my students, and I love that they love her. She's simply wonderful! She's aware of the journey I'm on right now. What does a substitute have to do with IVF and planning? Well, since I can't necessarily plan for the days that I'll be going in for ultrasounds, blood work, the retrieval, etc., I won't be able to give my go to sub the dates in advance. Therefore, I might not be able to get her as a sub. It is time to let that go. I like to control who I get as a sub, part of my "J", because it brings me comfort knowing who is with my students. However, I'm going to give up that control in this situation. I'm going to ask her to sub for me when I find out I'll need her, but if she's not available, I'll get another sub and it'll be okay. It'll all be okay. I don't need to plan everything - I can't. I can do it. I can live day by day learning about my schedule as I go. I won't be gone very long - it'll just be a couple hours, and it'll be about three days total (minus the actual retrieval). But even that three day thing, I don't know for sure. I don't know for sure about any of this journey except that I am sure I am on the right path. I am sure everything has lead me to exactly where I need to be, and that is enough.
Now that I'm thinking about planning in regards to IVF and getting pregnant, I realize I have come full circle. I had originally planned to be pregnant much earlier in life, and when that didn't pan out, I had no other choice with the path that I took next to let go of the planning. Since Brad and I chose to try naturally for quite some time (after the age I thought I'd be pregnant passed), I couldn't plan to get pregnant every month - I just waited every month to see if it happened. As the years passed, planning for a baby slipped away. But now that we are on this IVF journey, and I was able to plan and have some control at the beginning of it, and I tasted what it was like to plan in regards to getting pregnant again, that planning attitude came back eagerly. It felt nice to feel like I was in control again. But, this IVF journey is not going to be something I can control and/or plan for. I went from Plan to Can't Plan to Plan and am now at Can't Plan again. That's okay. Instead of Can't Plan, maybe it should be called Present. And from that perspective, I guess it was actually Future to Present to Future to Present. Present is where I am and I keep getting pushed back to that place. Living in the future causes me anxiety because there are too many unknowns. Too many variables that I can't control or foresee. I do best living in the moment.
I think Jason Mraz says it best in his song, "Living in the Moment."
When we first began our IVF journey, the nurse gave us a "get to do" list (saying "have to do" is negative, and since all that I "get to do" is a choice, I don't say "have to do" as much anymore). I tackled that "get to do" list and was excited to do so. I don't write lists on paper, I tend to put them in my notes on my laptop or cell phone. Anyway, walking away with a list made me feel like I was prepared and ready for the future of our IVF journey. The ball was in our court, now. I added things to our list based on our consultation. We "got to" get lab work done (check), call two prescription companies that HRC uses and see if they offer a teacher discount (check - and no, they don't), call Kaiser and see if there was any possibility of them covering anything in regards to IVF (check - and no, they don't), research online about whatever questions popped into my head about IVF (check - and still ongoing), etc. After the first list was complete, we went back to HRC for the SHG and then carrier screening test. From there, I got a new get to do list: contact Counsyl, the company that does the carrier screening, to see if they take Kaiser (check - and no, they don't), email all lab results to our nurse at HRC as they came in (check), etc.
Now that my get to do lists are all done from HRC, and I've done all that I can as far as making sure there weren't any loopholes to try and get some of the IVF covered through insurance, I feel like I'm in limbo land. I called our nurse yesterday, and asked her to give me a timeline. I asked about how we get the medications. I asked about when we'd get to see Dr. Norion again. She was quite patient with me and said that they'll tell me what to do every step of the way, but that they'll tell me as we go, instead of all at once. She said it was kind of hard for planners. She gave me a possible calendar outline, but warned that there are so many variables that will be in play (how my body reacts to the medication, HRC's schedule, etc.) that the dates would more than likely be off. I debated about whether or not I should wait to do the egg retrieval until summer time, so I'd be off from work, but Brad and I decided to do it right away, so that we can implant over summer (we are more than likely doing a frozen transfer, so the transfer won't be done the same month as the retrieval). One of the nurses said the implantation time is the best time to have the least amount of stress, so summer would be ideal.
Back to the phone call with our nurse, she told me that I will take birth control as soon as I start my next period (day two of my cycle actually), which is in about a week or so. I will only be taking the active birth control pills. I'll take those for 10-12 days. I asked who decided on the 10-12 days, and she said that it was dependent on HRC's schedule. In regards to us getting to talk to Dr. Norion again to ask him a few questions and to go over the Counsyl results (we haven't received them yet but should by the end of next week), our nurse said we could come in at the end of next week and meet with her and get a hard copy of a calendar and then meet with Dr. Norion.
After the 10-12 days of birth control, I'll go into HRC and learn about the medications I'll be taking for another two weeks. Brad will go to that meeting with me, so he can learn about how to administer the injections I'll be needing. I'll be monitored throughout the process, via ultra sounds and blood work, but I won't know those dates to come in until I start that medication. There is no way to plan. As one of the nurses put it, they'll be taking over my cycle (I think I mentioned that in a previous post, which I welcomed at first), which takes the control and scheduling part out of my hands. All that's left to do is be present. Live day by day.
As a teacher, I have a specific substitute that I like to use. I normally always give her time in advance of dates I'll need her to sub for me, so I can make sure she's available. I love that she knows my students, and I love that they love her. She's simply wonderful! She's aware of the journey I'm on right now. What does a substitute have to do with IVF and planning? Well, since I can't necessarily plan for the days that I'll be going in for ultrasounds, blood work, the retrieval, etc., I won't be able to give my go to sub the dates in advance. Therefore, I might not be able to get her as a sub. It is time to let that go. I like to control who I get as a sub, part of my "J", because it brings me comfort knowing who is with my students. However, I'm going to give up that control in this situation. I'm going to ask her to sub for me when I find out I'll need her, but if she's not available, I'll get another sub and it'll be okay. It'll all be okay. I don't need to plan everything - I can't. I can do it. I can live day by day learning about my schedule as I go. I won't be gone very long - it'll just be a couple hours, and it'll be about three days total (minus the actual retrieval). But even that three day thing, I don't know for sure. I don't know for sure about any of this journey except that I am sure I am on the right path. I am sure everything has lead me to exactly where I need to be, and that is enough.
Now that I'm thinking about planning in regards to IVF and getting pregnant, I realize I have come full circle. I had originally planned to be pregnant much earlier in life, and when that didn't pan out, I had no other choice with the path that I took next to let go of the planning. Since Brad and I chose to try naturally for quite some time (after the age I thought I'd be pregnant passed), I couldn't plan to get pregnant every month - I just waited every month to see if it happened. As the years passed, planning for a baby slipped away. But now that we are on this IVF journey, and I was able to plan and have some control at the beginning of it, and I tasted what it was like to plan in regards to getting pregnant again, that planning attitude came back eagerly. It felt nice to feel like I was in control again. But, this IVF journey is not going to be something I can control and/or plan for. I went from Plan to Can't Plan to Plan and am now at Can't Plan again. That's okay. Instead of Can't Plan, maybe it should be called Present. And from that perspective, I guess it was actually Future to Present to Future to Present. Present is where I am and I keep getting pushed back to that place. Living in the future causes me anxiety because there are too many unknowns. Too many variables that I can't control or foresee. I do best living in the moment.
I think Jason Mraz says it best in his song, "Living in the Moment."
Living In The Moment
Jason Mraz
If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me
So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment
And I know I only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
With peace in my heart
Peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
Living in the moment
I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone
And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live in my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me
To live in the moment
To live in my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
But I spun around and hurt no more
By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Just taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
I'm living my life
Oh, easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment
Songwriters: JASON MRAZ, RICK NOWELS
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
For non-commercial use only.
Data from: LyricFind
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