Since my last blog post, I've had one more appointment with Dr. Norion (the one last Wednesday), started new meds, had two rounds of acupuncture, set up acupuncture before and after the transfer, had one appointment with my therapist, and have had two hormone driven tiffer-taffers with Brad (that's what I call our disagreements). At my appointment last Wednesday, Dr. Norion said everything looked great. I don't see him as many times as I did before the egg retrieval because I'm not taking the same medications. From my understanding, I'm taking a ton of hormones in all different forms (oral, injections, vaginal inserts), which is supposed to be preparing my body to accept 4AA on Tuesday. There's not too much to monitor. My nurse mentioned that on Transfer Tuesday, it'll be like I've already been pregnant for two weeks. I didn't ask for additional information about that, but I'm assuming the two weeks part is because of how far along the embryos got before they were frozen and because of the stage my body will be at on Tuesday. I was also informed that I get to take the daily progesterone injections for 8 weeks after the transfer (given I receive a positive pregnancy test). That's a ton of injections!
After talking to Dr. Norion and my acupuncturist last week, I decided to call the acupuncturist in Pasadena that will come to HRC before and after the transfer. I had been going back and forth about actually having it done. Honestly, acupuncture causes me a little anxiety as the needles are being inserted. My hands get clammy and my heart beats faster than normal. I never know what to expect with the needles. In some spots, they hurt, and in others, they don't, and it can change with each session. After the needles are in, I calm down and get the full benefits from the acupuncture treatment, which is why I do it, but I couldn't decide if I wanted to experience anxiety before the transfer. As I often mention, I work hard at controlling my thoughts and on my breathing, but the feelings of the needles are still there. I haven't mastered feeling the pain and not contracting my body in response to it, but I know it is much better than it would be if I didn't breathe and accept the pain. Dr. Watkins, my acupuncturist, told me that the acupuncture before and after the transfer will be different than the acupuncture she uses for me normally because the needles will be targeting different areas that are specifically for the transfer. She doesn't travel to Pasadena for treatments, but she has heard of the doctor I'll be using on Tuesday. She said that the treatment before the transfer will help decrease any cramping I could experience during the transfer, and will help increase blood flow. The less my body contracts from pain during the transfer, the better. I called the acupuncturist out in Pasadena last Friday. I decided that if he was able to come for the transfer, then I would use him, but if he couldn't, I would be okay with that.
I instantly got a good vibe from him over the phone. He was nice, patient, and didn't act as if he was doing me a favor by coming at such an early time on Tuesday. In fact, he offered to email HRC and ask what time they wanted him to get there. He made less work for me, which I greatly appreciated! My transfer is at 6:45 a.m. on Tuesday. We will arrive at 5:55 a.m. and have the acupuncture right before the treatment. I am supposed to have a full bladder before the transfer (I'm not sure why, but I'll do whatever I'm told to do in regards to IVF), but since I'll be arriving so early, I can drink tons of water starting at 6 a.m. instead of arriving with a full bladder and hope that my bladder is full by around 6:30 a.m. The acupuncturist said that we don't need to meet ahead of time, although I offered to come out on Monday. He said that since I'm already experienced with acupuncture, he doesn't need to see me for a consult. At this point, needles and I are very close to each other. They are a part of my daily life, and a few extra needles on the day of the transfer that could potentially increase my chances of success by 40% of the percentage Dr. Norion gave me (which was about 65%), are worth it. It was easy to make the appointment, so I'm taking that as a sign that it was meant to be.
Starting last Thursday, I added a daily shot of progesterone (another intramuscular booty injection), a six day pack of 21 oral pills, and two different vaginal inserts. The pills and inserts are fine, but the progesterone injection is no walk in the park. One of my friends that went through IVF said that she got knots in her backside from the booty injections, and had tight muscles. I didn't experience the knots with the estradiol that I started back on June 1st (I take that injection every third day), so I thought that I'd be fine with the progesterone. It was going in the same area as the estradiol and it was actually a thinner needle. Well, it turns out that I can get knots. I started the progesterone last Thursday and I am still working on mastering the whole acceptance part of the pain. Last Friday, I got to have both shots in one day. That night was a little rough for me. I braced myself against the counter like I had been doing for the estradiol. Brad injected the needle like a dart, and as soon as it went in, my leg involuntarily kicked out in front of me. Brad told me to stay still as if I had done it on purpose, but I shared that the leg kick had not been by choice. He was able to complete the injection, but I had one more to go (the estradiol) in the same side and area. It took me a few minutes to do some deep breathing (Brad talked me through that since I kind of panicked) and then he injected the estradiol. After the injections, Brad massaged the injection sites and then gave the sites a feel better kiss. He has so much compassion for me, and he encourages me every step of the way. The progesterone injection sites are pretty knotted up and sore. I have bruises, too. However, I'm choosing to believe that it'll get better as time goes by, and that my booty muscles will get used to the daily injections and loosen up. If 4AA takes, and I stay pregnant, I will continue to get daily shots until I graduate from seeing Dr. Norion (10th week appointment). If I do end up having a baby, and that baby grows up and says something in their teenage years like I don't love them or I didn't want them, I will refer them to this blog. No, I don't love injections, but I love what they could lead to, and all the pain I'm experiencing now is worth whatever outcome I get. If I get a baby from the pain, yay, but if I don't get a baby, the pain has taught me that I can endure more than I had ever imagined, and that Brad and I can get through anything together.
Speaking of getting through anything together, all the hormones have made me a little more emotional than normal. Not crying emotional, but more intense in my feelings of my opinions emotional. Brad and I had two tiffer-taffers that normally wouldn't have bothered me so much, and that I would have easily gotten over especially since I got my way in the end, but because of the hormones (at least that's what I'm sticking to anyway), I got more heated and was more upset. Brad never once brought the extra hormones up during our tiffer-taffers, thank goodness. But other than those two times, I think I've been doing pretty well (and I think Brad would say the same thing, too - I hope).
I recently read an article Daily OM that talked about worrying. "Worry is a self-created state of needless fear." "Worrying does nothing to ensure a positive outcome and it has an unpleasant effect on your body, mind, and spirit." The article said that instead of worrying about something, like your family getting home safely from a trip, you can envision them traveling safely instead and being protected every inch of the way. "Next time you find that your are worrying, imagine the best result instead of anticipating the worst outcome." The article made me think about the transfer. I could easily worry about the transfer not working out, but that won't change the outcome and it won't benefit anyone, especially me and 4AA. After I read the article, I envisioned 4AA being thawed in a safe, protected environment. I envisioned it being handled with care, and being ready for me on Transfer Tuesday. I envisioned 4AA being transferred smoothly into my body, and my body easily accepting it. I envisioned my body and 4AA being compatible. I envision those things on a daily basis.
Mentally, I'm feeling strong and ready. I get many daily opportunities to practice and apply the things I've learned. I'm not avoiding any thoughts or emotions. I'm taking them head on, and thinking them through. I'm continuing to stay positive and to remind myself that I'm on the right path. I'm smiling, breathing, and going slowly (that was on a greeting card last week and it was there at the perfect moment). Positive pregnancy test or not (I get to take my first pregnancy test on July 1st), I am truly blessed to have the life that I do. And I will not give up hope that something wonderful is about to happen. I'm ready for you Transfer Tuesday! Let's do this!
