5 Girls and 1 Boy - IVF

I hadn't realized how nervous/excited I was about finding out the results of the genetic testing until I received the phone call from my nurse with the results. She started by telling me that we had six genetically normal embryo (Dr. Norion said to expect between 4-9) and then asked if I wanted to know each of their genders. Brad wasn't with me at the time of the call, but I figured it would be okay if I found out how many girls and boys we had before him (besides, I just couldn't wait!). My nurse said that we had five girls and one boy. I immediately started tearing up with tears of excitement and relief. I then asked if the highest graded embryo (our 4AA) was one of the genetically normal ones and she said that it was. I told her not to tell me the gender of "4AA" because we were planning on transferring that embryo first and we wanted the gender to be a surprise. In all of my excitement, I didn't think to ask about the grades of the other five embryo. We had a couple that had a lower grade than the rest, and I wanted to know if those had come back as genetically normal or not. I called back and asked my nurse, and found out that the other five embryo were our next highest graded ones (good news!).

I was super excited to tell Brad the news when I got home! I was optimistic about the number of genetically normal embryo we'd get back, but there was still a thought in the far back of my mind that was nervous about what the actual number would be. I kept that thought buried in the darkness so that it didn't cause me anxiety, but I instantly felt a sense of relief when I heard the number six. Brad was happy to hear the results when I got home, too. We went out to dinner that night to celebrate the good news. We allowed ourselves to talk about different possible baby names - something that we hadn't talked about in many, many years. We also talked about if we wanted to know the gender of "4AA" or not.  Originally, we had decided that we'd let the embryologist pick the best embryo to transfer, but now that the results were actually available to us, we went back and forth about wanting to know what "4AA" was. As of today, we still don't want to know if "4AA" is a boy or girl, but who knows if that will change.

The first booty shot

Yesterday, I had my first ultra sound and blood work for the embryo transfer. I was on birth control for a couple weeks, and stopped it this last Sunday (per my nurse's directions). Dr. Norion wasn't in yesterday, but his assistant still did the ultra sound and sent the pictures to Dr. Norion. She said that my lining was thin (which was good) and my ovaries were still a little swollen. After the ultra sound, Brad and I met with our nurse. She said that we were going to move forward with starting the medication for the embryo transfer, as long as my hormone levels from the blood work came back normal, and she gave us paperwork to complete. Then, she gave us directions for how to administer the first medication. For the embryo transfer, I get to have booty shots, as opposed to tummy shots. When she was showing us how prepare the medication, I couldn't help but notice that the needle seemed thicker and longer than the needles that we used for my tummy shots. My nurse said that it was because it needed to reach my muscle, but it wasn't that much larger. Yikes! She said that instead of grabbing the skin before injecting the needle, Brad should stretch my skin and then inject the needle like a dart, getting the needle all the way into my skin. I kept telling myself, "I've got this. I've got this," but in the back of my mind, I was feeling a little intimidated. My nurse told Brad that after the needle was in, he should pull the top part out a little to see if any blood comes into the syringe because if it does, that meant that he hit a vein (now that freaked me out a little!). If there was blood, Brad should pull out the needle and try somewhere else. Nothing bad would necessarily happen, I guess the medication just wouldn't absorb as well. Brad asked about where exactly to administer the shot on me, so my nurse pulled out a permanent marker and drew a circle on my body. No, I wouldn't normally write on my body with a permanent marker because the ink absorbs into my skin, but I felt like this was a good time for an exception.

All the meds for the embryo transfer

 After the directions for medication, we went over important upcoming dates. I don't get monitored as much this time around, so I will only go in one more time for an ultra sound and blood work before the actual transfer. I'll go in on the 14th and then the transfer will be on the 19th. Wow! I can't believe that the transfer is going to be this month! Technically, I'll be pregnant as soon as the embryo is transferred, so at the very least, I can say that I have been pregnant, which is something that I will be so very grateful for. We'll have a two week waiting game to see if my body accepts the embryo or not. I am planning on doing my positive affirmations and visualizations constantly. "My body easily accepts "4AA"." ""4AA" is strong and healthy." "My body is calm and relaxed." I will visualize the embryo being welcomed by my body and send my body loving thoughts. I can't wait!

I have been cautiously optimistic on this journey. I don't allow myself to get too excited nor too worried (at least that's what I work hard to do anyway). I try and take things as they come and feel them as they are, not exaggerating them. I tend to get super excited about things, but with super excitement can come super disappointment. With this journey, I am consciously working on coming at it from a different approach. Obviously, I want to get pregnant and to stay pregnant, but I am not in control of that. Me getting super excited about becoming a mom right now at this stage of our journey, won't benefit me. In fact, it will take away from me enjoying the experience of everything right now. Right now, I am not a mom to a human. Right now, I am a soul taking advantage of modern science and using it as a tool to see if it can help me become a mom. Right now, I am in the middle of a trial. Right now, I am doing my due diligence, working towards something I feel is right for me, but I don't know if it truly is. Only time will tell as my future is presented to me. It will all be okay because it is all unfolding perfectly. It is not my job to control my future, merely to stay present and do the best that I can.

Last night, after my nurse called and said that my hormone levels were good, and Dr. Norion approved the ultra sound picture, Brad administered my first booty shot. I used a heating pad for about 15 minutes prior to the injection. I stood in the kitchen bent over a bit holding onto the edge of the counter. I put all my weight on the opposite side of the injection site. I did my deep breathing and reminded myself to feel what I was about to feel, rather than thinking and worrying about what I thought it was going to feel like. Once Brad administered it, I noticed that I didn't really even feel the needle going in, but I did feel it while it was there. It was like a charley horse. My muscle got really tight and started throbbing. The needle stayed in for a bit because Brad had to check and see if there was blood or not (there wasn't - yay!). After Brad took the needle out, I heated the area for another 15 minutes, and went on with the night. I was grateful that there wasn't a stinging/burning sensation like there had been with some injections, and I was grateful that I didn't shed a single tear. Brad is a pro at administering my injections and there's something about him doing it that brings me a feeling of calmness. These particular booty shots are done every three days, so I have tonight and tomorrow night off. I was actually a little happy about the injection last night because it meant that we were moving forward and getting closer to the transfer date. To be honest, I think I was holding my breath a little about if I my body was going to be ready this month or not since it had been through so much with the retrieval. Once my nurse called us last night and said that everything was good with the blood work, I took a deep breath, the deepest breath I had taken all day.

Injection site

I have four additional medications that I'll be adding to my regimen before the 19th, but I can see the finish line now. I am going to continue taking good care of my body focusing on getting it ready for "4AA" taking it one day at a time. I am so very grateful for IVF and the opportunity that it is giving us. It is easy to not look forward to things like injections and to think negatively about spending the large amount of money that IVF has cost us so far, but when I stop and think about it, each of those things is a part of IVF and IVF is giving us a chance to make something truly amazing!