The word "meditation" keeps popping up in my life (i.e. doctor's appointments, books, seminars, conversations, etc.), which means it's time for me to start giving it some serious attention. The Universe is clearly giving me signs to lean in and be brave with this new concept. It's time to learn another lesson.
I decided to give it a shot when I got home from work yesterday. I walked in my house, dropped off my belongings, said hello to my doggies, changed into some comfy clothes, and laid down on the living room floor. I closed my eyes and tried to remember everything the books told me to do in order to mediate. I cleared my mind (stopped thinking) and counted my sets of breaths. In and out, "One. I'm doing pretty good," I thought..."Yikes! That's a thought, I'm not supposed to be thinking. Ok. Here goes. Let's start over." In and out, "One. Yes! I did it! Wait! That's a thought. Let's try again." In and out, "One." In and out, "Two. I wonder how far I can go without thinking. Oh no! That was a thought!" In and out, "One." In and out, "Two. The air conditioning just went on. I thought I turned that off. Yikes! I'm thinking again." In and out, "One." In and out, "Two. Note to self...vacuum the floor. Wait! Notes to self are thoughts."
My first experience of meditation on my own, without guidance, lasted about 6 minutes. And as you can see, there was a lot of thinking going on. Since then, I've been reading more about meditation and I have come up with the following conclusion: there is no "right" or "wrong" way to meditate. The way I was meditating was perfect for me because I was doing the best that I knew how to do at that moment. I'm not going to feel guilty (yuck! what a negative word) about only meditating for 6 minutes...that's just where I'm at. I have decided to try meditating every other day. The books say to meditate everyday, but I'm going to start off slowly (I'm not going to feel guilty that I'm not doing it every single day). I'm going to try it for one month and see if I can increase the 6 minutes to 15 minutes. Little, tiny, baby steps.
Meditation had always been something I thought that I could only do if someone was leading me in the process. I didn't know what to think about or how to do it. I still feel a little unclear about the whole process, but I now know that I can do it on my own. No "leader" needed...just my "self".
