I had my SHG and mock transfer this morning. At the first appointment, I was told that I'd have to go on birth control before the procedure to time when I should come in, but then the nurse said that I didn't have to be on it if my schedule was flexible. Since I am off for Spring Break this week and the following, I told her that I was flexible. I was able to do my blood work this week and the SHG - no birth control (or sub) needed. The nurse had suggested that I take an advil or two before the procedure, but I decided not to. Primarily because I don't prefer to take medication, and because I don't like to cover up the pain of something. I want to experience what my body is going through, and I like applying deep breathing and positive thoughts to help cope with the pain/feelings. I know that I will take medication for the IVF, but I have chosen to embrace that and not let it bother me. I barely felt the mock transfer, and I had mild cramping for a couple seconds during the SHG. No biggie. Our doctor showed me that both of my ovaries had around 15 follicles on them, proving more that I am on the PCOS spectrum. He said that we are favorable candidates for IVF.
After the procedure, we went into his office and I got to ask him my list of questions. Specifically, I was interested in if we should have genetic testing done on the embryo or not. At our consultation, he said that it was highly recommended for women in their late thirties and older. Since I am in my early thirties, he didn't say that I needed to do it. We didn't discuss the details of it further at that time because I didn't ask for more information about it. However, after doing some of my own research, I had some specific questions about genetic testing. Our doctor said that my chances of success with IVF would increase from 50-60% to 65-75% with the genetic testing. From my understanding of what I read online and gathered from our doctor, miscarriages can be caused by a chromosomal deformity. The genetic testing looks for those deformities and ensures that we don't implant any embryo with those deformities, thus increasing our chances of not having a miscarriage, thus increasing our success rate. I also read online that genetic testing is good for people that have a failed attempt at their first IVF. However, testing the embryo after they've been frozen isn't an option (it needs to be done fresh), so we wouldn't be able to test after a failed attempt unless we harvested eggs again. A lot to think about. One more thing about genetic testing is that we would only transfer one embryo as opposed to two without testing. Our doctor said that we could do a saliva test that is a carrier screening test, and then we could use those results to see what type of genetic testing to do. We are going to do the carrier screening. Our doctor also said that women with PCOS are good candidates for genetic testing because they generally produce more eggs at the time of retrieval, so there are more eggs to pick from. Genetic testing will help pick the healthiest eggs and then we can freeze the rest.
After asking our questions, we met with one of the head nurses. We went over calendar times for the egg retrieval and then for the embryo transfer. We are going to do a frozen transfer, so the IVF process will take us about two months.
Leaving the office today, I felt extremely positive and hopeful. Our doctor is such a kind, caring, and compassionate guy! He's authentic and doesn't make me feel rushed. And most importantly, he doesn't make me feel like I'm weird for all my "strange" questions and abnormal diet (the more healthy fats, the better!). He doesn't judge, and I am drawn to people like that.
It is a strange combination - modern medicine and holistic living. I am a firm believer in all things in moderation, so I'm choosing to look at IVF as a moderate use of modern medicine. I've tried the natural route, and am still working on that as far as chakras, positive affirmations, meditation, acupuncture, therapy, etc. go, and with this combination, I feel like I will be a mama this year. I deleted that last sentence a time or two because I am so used to saying, "if I get pregnant," but in order for the Universe to know that I'm serious about this mama stuff, I'm going to expose my heart and speak words like affirmations - I'm going to speak it into existence (if it benefits the greater good :)). I'm doing my due diligence and the rest will unfold as it is meant to do.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Sunday, March 12, 2017
The Energetic Fertility Method - IVF
My sister in law sent me a book yesterday called The Energetic Fertility Method: Tools for a Healthy Conception and Beyond by Nancy Mae. Although my sister in law and I live many miles away, she is well aware of my infertility journey. She truly gets my limited edition-ness and loves me unconditionally. She said that she thought of me as soon as she heard about Nancy Mae and then she discovered her book and sent it to me the very next day.
I have recently noticed that things in my life seem to be aligning like two puzzle pieces coming together and fitting perfectly. I mentioned signs in my last post, and I feel like this book is another sign. It is a gentle message from the Universe (sent via my sister in law) guiding me towards what I seek. I started reading the book last night and teared up as I read it. I knew that this book came at the perfect time. I then read two chapters in the car this morning to my husband as we drove to Cafe Gratitude for Sunday brunch. Nancy Mae, the author, started by sharing her personal fertility story, which put into words some of the feelings I've experienced but did not know how to verbalize. I felt myself wanting to highlight every other sentence in her book because everything was so well said.
When I read Mae's words, "No matter where the path of infertility takes you, in the strangest way, it's always an invitation to extraordinary growth," (p. xiii) something inside of me shifted. "If you look at the word infertile with all of its letters - I N F E R T I L E - you'll find many other words inside, including R E F I N E. Infertility is an invitation to an inner transformation, a journey of personal growth. It's not about something being wrong or not working. It's about refinement," (Mae, p. xiv). Yes, this path/journey of infertility has lead me to so many new places. It first started me on the path towards clean and conscious eating, and then lead me to a level of soul searching that I don't think I would have explored otherwise. I had already started going to therapy prior to my infertility journey to discover more about myself, but I don't think I would have explored as deeply as I did and am doing without infertility. Infertility has pushed me to go deeper - to go deeper in my marriage, to go deeper in my mind, to go deeper in my body, and to go deeper in my spirit.
Although I am only on page fifty-one of Mae's book, I have already started challenging and refining my views about infertility. Instead of trying to fix something (i.e. infertility), maybe I can use infertility to help make myself whole. Through my therapy sessions, I have overcome many struggles that I felt had played a role in my infertility (i.e. self-esteem, paying off karmic debt, learning how to communicate my thoughts and feelings, temperaments, etc.). Really, everything I have consciously worked on has helped me overcome infertility. I'm not there yet, but maybe its not something for me to "overcome".
Mae wrote, "Wherever you are in your life, I invite you to see infertility as a perfectly natural and normal process. You have not done anything wrong. Wholeness is your birthright. You now have the opportunity to start loving yourself completely so that, if and when you become pregnant, you can pass on this vital life skill to your child. To love ourselves is perhaps the only way we will ever become complete. The key is this: by remaining neutral in the process - letting go of the outcome of bearing a child and shifting our intention to become whole - we can create miracles," (p.8).
I honestly feel like infertility has become part of my identity. It consumes many of my thoughts and is often times the main topic of conversation between my husband, my counselor, my family, and my friends. It has become a problem I want to fix, and now that I have accepted the fact that I'll more than likely need modern medicine to help us get pregnant, I research IVF, genetic testing, etc. often. But after reading Mae's words, I feel like maybe infertility doesn't have to be my identity, rather, an experience that is leading me towards wholeness. I am still pursuing IVF, but I'm going to consciously and mindfully get back to working on my self again, and not just for trying to get pregnant. I'm going to try out Mae's suggestions and am going to experiment with chakras and energy. This is going to be fun (and deep)!
I have recently noticed that things in my life seem to be aligning like two puzzle pieces coming together and fitting perfectly. I mentioned signs in my last post, and I feel like this book is another sign. It is a gentle message from the Universe (sent via my sister in law) guiding me towards what I seek. I started reading the book last night and teared up as I read it. I knew that this book came at the perfect time. I then read two chapters in the car this morning to my husband as we drove to Cafe Gratitude for Sunday brunch. Nancy Mae, the author, started by sharing her personal fertility story, which put into words some of the feelings I've experienced but did not know how to verbalize. I felt myself wanting to highlight every other sentence in her book because everything was so well said.
When I read Mae's words, "No matter where the path of infertility takes you, in the strangest way, it's always an invitation to extraordinary growth," (p. xiii) something inside of me shifted. "If you look at the word infertile with all of its letters - I N F E R T I L E - you'll find many other words inside, including R E F I N E. Infertility is an invitation to an inner transformation, a journey of personal growth. It's not about something being wrong or not working. It's about refinement," (Mae, p. xiv). Yes, this path/journey of infertility has lead me to so many new places. It first started me on the path towards clean and conscious eating, and then lead me to a level of soul searching that I don't think I would have explored otherwise. I had already started going to therapy prior to my infertility journey to discover more about myself, but I don't think I would have explored as deeply as I did and am doing without infertility. Infertility has pushed me to go deeper - to go deeper in my marriage, to go deeper in my mind, to go deeper in my body, and to go deeper in my spirit.
Although I am only on page fifty-one of Mae's book, I have already started challenging and refining my views about infertility. Instead of trying to fix something (i.e. infertility), maybe I can use infertility to help make myself whole. Through my therapy sessions, I have overcome many struggles that I felt had played a role in my infertility (i.e. self-esteem, paying off karmic debt, learning how to communicate my thoughts and feelings, temperaments, etc.). Really, everything I have consciously worked on has helped me overcome infertility. I'm not there yet, but maybe its not something for me to "overcome".
Mae wrote, "Wherever you are in your life, I invite you to see infertility as a perfectly natural and normal process. You have not done anything wrong. Wholeness is your birthright. You now have the opportunity to start loving yourself completely so that, if and when you become pregnant, you can pass on this vital life skill to your child. To love ourselves is perhaps the only way we will ever become complete. The key is this: by remaining neutral in the process - letting go of the outcome of bearing a child and shifting our intention to become whole - we can create miracles," (p.8).
I honestly feel like infertility has become part of my identity. It consumes many of my thoughts and is often times the main topic of conversation between my husband, my counselor, my family, and my friends. It has become a problem I want to fix, and now that I have accepted the fact that I'll more than likely need modern medicine to help us get pregnant, I research IVF, genetic testing, etc. often. But after reading Mae's words, I feel like maybe infertility doesn't have to be my identity, rather, an experience that is leading me towards wholeness. I am still pursuing IVF, but I'm going to consciously and mindfully get back to working on my self again, and not just for trying to get pregnant. I'm going to try out Mae's suggestions and am going to experiment with chakras and energy. This is going to be fun (and deep)!
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
An Unplanned Journey - 3 - IVF
We found out that Kaiser doesn't cover IVF. It was all a bit misleading because I was told that my insurance covers 50% of infertility treatments, but when it came time to ask about IVF, the most expensive infertility treatment, I was told that IVF was the only thing not covered. I think they should have told me that from the get go. Maybe something like, "Your insurance covers 50% of infertility treatments, excluding IVF." Yes, that would have been nice, but in the big picture, it doesn't really matter. All of the experiences I've had up to this point have led me to exactly where I was meant to be. It is all unfolding perfectly.
We ended up not ever meeting with our infertility doctor at Kaiser to talk about IVF. Instead, due to many signs from the Universe, like people coming across our path unexpectedly that had similar experiences or that had heard of the place we ended up choosing,we were led to HRC in Rancho Cucamonga. We had our first consultation visit with Dr. Norion, the doctor at HRC Rancho, yesterday. He was exactly as people had described to me - caring, compassionate, kind, intelligent, and a bit quirky. I fell in love with him the first minute I met him, and I knew right away that I had come to a place that was the perfect fit for Brad and I.
Let me back up - before I even met Dr. Norion, I had wonderful experiences with HRC. The ladies I spoke with on the phone were authentically caring and nice. The email that I received regarding my first consultation was detailed and it said something comforting - "HRC Fertility loves children. However, the presence of children can be very difficult for those struggling with infertility. Please try to make child care arrangements before bringing your children to appointments." Wow! How considerate of people going through infertility! When we got to HRC for our appointment, the ladies were just as nice in person as they were on the phone. I didn't have to knock on a door and cross my fingers that someone would let me in, like I had to with infertility department at Kaiser. I simply walked in and they were expecting Brad and I! The lady at the front said that they had just received our medical records from Kaiser that morning - another sign (to me, at least). After filling out paperwork, which was no biggie at all, a nurse called me back to take my blood pressure and heart rate. She had to redo my heart rate because my pulse was really high - I was a little nervous - not nervous in a bad way - nervous in a this-new-journey-is-about-to-really-happen way. Then, someone came out and gave us a folder of information. The first page included a quote that gave me chills, "Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen." That was the only thing on the page. I had just bought a framed quote from Home Goods two weeks prior that had spoken to me...guess what the quote was? Yes, it was the same quote!
After all that, Dr. Norion came out to the lobby to greet Brad and I and to bring us back to his office. Wow! The doctor came out to get us?!?! He walked us back to his office and we spilled our guts to him. I tried to include every detail. I was actually calmer than I had expected. At the first consultation with Kaiser, I remember crying as I told the infertility doctor about our struggle. With Dr. Norion, I felt calm and collected. I felt like he was a long lost friend that really cared about our journey. When he spoke, it didn't sound like a script, although I know that it was. How could it not be? But I didn't feel like it was, and that's what mattered.
Dr. Norion had already taken the time to review our medical records sent over from Kaiser before we had met with him. He asked me if anyone has every mentioned PCOS to me before. I shook my head no. After doing an ultrasound with him, he confirmed that he thought I was borderline PCOS and had more follicles than normal on one of my ovaries. Since I didn't have any of the other symptoms of PCOS (irregular ovulation and/or period, etc.), it wasn't something that had been suggested. Interesting!
Back in his office, Dr. Norion said we could try a medicated IUI, but that IVF would have a higher percent of success. Brad and I had already discussed before seeing Dr. Norion, that we'd do whatever he thought was best. Therefore, that means we're going to do IVF. No more IUIs. No more Kaiser.
We then met with a lady that explained the lab work and tests that I'd need to complete before moving forward with IVF. We ended our consult talking about the cost of IVF.
There sure is a lot to IVF, but I honestly feel like Brad and I are going to have a wonderful experience doing it. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen, right??
We ended up not ever meeting with our infertility doctor at Kaiser to talk about IVF. Instead, due to many signs from the Universe, like people coming across our path unexpectedly that had similar experiences or that had heard of the place we ended up choosing,we were led to HRC in Rancho Cucamonga. We had our first consultation visit with Dr. Norion, the doctor at HRC Rancho, yesterday. He was exactly as people had described to me - caring, compassionate, kind, intelligent, and a bit quirky. I fell in love with him the first minute I met him, and I knew right away that I had come to a place that was the perfect fit for Brad and I.
Let me back up - before I even met Dr. Norion, I had wonderful experiences with HRC. The ladies I spoke with on the phone were authentically caring and nice. The email that I received regarding my first consultation was detailed and it said something comforting - "HRC Fertility loves children. However, the presence of children can be very difficult for those struggling with infertility. Please try to make child care arrangements before bringing your children to appointments." Wow! How considerate of people going through infertility! When we got to HRC for our appointment, the ladies were just as nice in person as they were on the phone. I didn't have to knock on a door and cross my fingers that someone would let me in, like I had to with infertility department at Kaiser. I simply walked in and they were expecting Brad and I! The lady at the front said that they had just received our medical records from Kaiser that morning - another sign (to me, at least). After filling out paperwork, which was no biggie at all, a nurse called me back to take my blood pressure and heart rate. She had to redo my heart rate because my pulse was really high - I was a little nervous - not nervous in a bad way - nervous in a this-new-journey-is-about-to-really-happen way. Then, someone came out and gave us a folder of information. The first page included a quote that gave me chills, "Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen." That was the only thing on the page. I had just bought a framed quote from Home Goods two weeks prior that had spoken to me...guess what the quote was? Yes, it was the same quote!
After all that, Dr. Norion came out to the lobby to greet Brad and I and to bring us back to his office. Wow! The doctor came out to get us?!?! He walked us back to his office and we spilled our guts to him. I tried to include every detail. I was actually calmer than I had expected. At the first consultation with Kaiser, I remember crying as I told the infertility doctor about our struggle. With Dr. Norion, I felt calm and collected. I felt like he was a long lost friend that really cared about our journey. When he spoke, it didn't sound like a script, although I know that it was. How could it not be? But I didn't feel like it was, and that's what mattered.
Dr. Norion had already taken the time to review our medical records sent over from Kaiser before we had met with him. He asked me if anyone has every mentioned PCOS to me before. I shook my head no. After doing an ultrasound with him, he confirmed that he thought I was borderline PCOS and had more follicles than normal on one of my ovaries. Since I didn't have any of the other symptoms of PCOS (irregular ovulation and/or period, etc.), it wasn't something that had been suggested. Interesting!
Back in his office, Dr. Norion said we could try a medicated IUI, but that IVF would have a higher percent of success. Brad and I had already discussed before seeing Dr. Norion, that we'd do whatever he thought was best. Therefore, that means we're going to do IVF. No more IUIs. No more Kaiser.
We then met with a lady that explained the lab work and tests that I'd need to complete before moving forward with IVF. We ended our consult talking about the cost of IVF.
There sure is a lot to IVF, but I honestly feel like Brad and I are going to have a wonderful experience doing it. Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen, right??
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
This Rocks My World! - Food
Do you remember those emails and Facebook posts asking people to list their favorite item from each specified category? What's your favorite food? Favorite drink? Favorite movie? Favorite saying? etc. Well, those were always hard for me because I used and use the word "favorite" for so many things in my life! I don't have just one favorite food or just one favorite movie. I have so many favorites and my "favorites" are like a revolving door - constantly changing with each passing day. Honestly, I normally describe whatever I'm into at the present moment as something that is my new favorite. For example, if I try a new recipe, it normally becomes my new favorite recipe. If I hear a new song, it normally becomes my new favorite song. If I buy a new shirt, it normally becomes my new favorite shirt. Do you get the picture? Well, my new favorite afternoon snack is young coconut juice straight out of a coconut. I can hardly wait to come home and cut open a coconut and drink up the yumminess inside of it!
I had my first fresh young coconut from a restaurant. I couldn't believe how wonderful the coconut water/juice tasted! It was refreshing, sweet, and so perfectly perfect! And as a plus - I got to eat the coconut flesh after I finished the juice because it came cut open. Yummy!
I found some young coconuts at the grocery store I go to, and I tried to open them up with a hammer at home. It was a mess! After talking to a dear, dear friend of mine (we seem to always be into the same thing at the same time!), she told me that you can cut the bottom off the coconut and find a soft spot to easily poke through. Game changer!!! I tried it out (see below picture) and I've had two-four coconuts every week since then. To be honest, the first couple of times trying to find the soft spot, I ended up spraying myself in the face with the juice because of the force I was using to jab at the coconut (my dogs loved the clean up duty in the kitchen though), but I ended up getting the hang of it. I use my glass straw to poke through the soft spot, and after drinking the juice, I take the coconut outside and hammer it, so I can get the meat. I must admit that I enjoy taking a hammer to the coconut - it sure is rewarding once I break through the shell! Sometimes, I make coconut milk by draining the juice, scraping out the meat, and blending the juice, meat, and water in the blender. Homemade coconut milk is my favorite!
I had my first fresh young coconut from a restaurant. I couldn't believe how wonderful the coconut water/juice tasted! It was refreshing, sweet, and so perfectly perfect! And as a plus - I got to eat the coconut flesh after I finished the juice because it came cut open. Yummy!
I found some young coconuts at the grocery store I go to, and I tried to open them up with a hammer at home. It was a mess! After talking to a dear, dear friend of mine (we seem to always be into the same thing at the same time!), she told me that you can cut the bottom off the coconut and find a soft spot to easily poke through. Game changer!!! I tried it out (see below picture) and I've had two-four coconuts every week since then. To be honest, the first couple of times trying to find the soft spot, I ended up spraying myself in the face with the juice because of the force I was using to jab at the coconut (my dogs loved the clean up duty in the kitchen though), but I ended up getting the hang of it. I use my glass straw to poke through the soft spot, and after drinking the juice, I take the coconut outside and hammer it, so I can get the meat. I must admit that I enjoy taking a hammer to the coconut - it sure is rewarding once I break through the shell! Sometimes, I make coconut milk by draining the juice, scraping out the meat, and blending the juice, meat, and water in the blender. Homemade coconut milk is my favorite!
An Unplanned Journey Continued - IVF
Starting where I left off in my last post about infertility, our infertility specialist wanted Brad and I to have tests done. Based on the tests that Brad and I took (blood work for both of us, HSG for me, and sperm test for Brad), we were labeled with unexplained infertility in January 2016. There wasn't a clear cause of our infertility, which left us with more questions than answers. Brad was into Ironman training at the time of our testing, so there was a possibility that the many hours on the bike saddle was not helping us get pregnant, but there was no way to know for sure. Our doctor said that we could try IUI or IVF. She said that we should go with IVF if we wanted a baby tomorrow or go with IUI if we were okay with being patient. Because of my journey of clean eating and being mindful of the things I was taking in, we decided to try a natural IUI. We also decided to try taking a regimen of vitamins that were specifically geared towards helping with fertility (a more holistic approach). Brad and I weren't in any rush to try out IVF. We wanted the most natural form of help we could get. In fact, Brad wasn't open to IVF at the time, and I wasn't 100% set on it. It went against everything I felt I stood for. I was and am so passionate about health. I rarely take medication, and always search for a holistic route first. IVF involves a ton of medication. We also felt torn about wether or not we were pushing for a child that maybe wasn't something that was meant for us. If it wasn't happening naturally, maybe it was a sign that we weren't meant to have children.
A couple months later, we tried our first natural IUI. A natural IUI involves no medication and no ultra sound monitoring upcoming ovulation. Couples are pretty much on their own. On the day of the scheduled IUI (which is determined by an at home ovulation kit), the couple brings in a sperm sample, the sperm is washed, and then a doctor injects the sperm into the female's uterus. This is supposed to cut off about six hours of travel time for the sperm, and increase the chances of getting pregnant. With insurance, a natural IUI is only a couple hundred dollars, as opposed to around $15,000 for IVF.
For our first IUI, I had to keep track of my ovulation using an at home ovulation kit, and call the Infertility Department the first day I got a happy face on one of the sticks. I am extremely regular as far as ovulation goes. There have been months, though, where I have stressed too much or taken an antibiotic (I rarely do that) which caused me to ovulate later than normal. Anyway, keeping track of my ovulation was more stressful than I thought it would be. There is room for human error. For example, I could have peed on the stick in the AM, not received a happy face saying that I was going to ovulate soon, and assumed that I was not going to ovulate until tomorrow. But there was always a chance that if I had peed on the stick an hour or so later that same day, that I would have received a happy face, which could have caused me to go in for an IUI on the wrong day. Needless to say, I peed on way more than one stick per day before that first scheduled IUI. After getting a happy face, I called and made an appointment for an IUI the next day.
I must add a side note about what calling the infertility department entails because it isn't a stress-free thing. First of all, the department is separate from any other department at Kaiser. Although it is on the OBGYN floor, I don't check in at one of the normal check-in counters to pay my co-pay. I have to walk past all the pregnant women and all the new babies until I get to the the infertility department's door. I have to knock on the door and pray that someone answers it. There isn't a receptionist at the front of the department. Now that I've explained that, I can talk about the calling them part. There aren't very many people working in the infertility department, and since they're a unique department, they have unique hours. Their calling hours are 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and 8:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. on Thursdays (I can literally hear that recording playing in my head as I type this - I've called them too many times to count). I've never been able to get ahold of them during lunch time, so they must be closed during that time, too. Anyway, if I were to get a happy face on my ovulation stick at 1:00 p.m. on Thursday, I'd be out of luck to schedule an IUI for the following day because they close at 12:30 p.m. on Thursdays. I could potentially call that following day (Friday) at 8:30 a.m. and try and get an appointment for that day to have an IUI, but the chances of actually getting one would be slim. Furthermore, if I call on a Friday to schedule an IUI for the next day, which is a Saturday, I'd never be able to call the department if I needed to talk to them on a Saturday or Sunday (they don't answer the phones on the weekends), I'd only be able to go in for my appointment. They do schedule IUIs on Saturdays and Sundays. Here's another catch, if I were to get a happy face on Saturday, I couldn't call that day to schedule an IUI for the following day (a Sunday). All of these things gave me anxiety. I was constantly wondering when I'd ovulate, and then when I would, I'd be worried about actually getting ahold of someone in the department to make an appointment.
Okay, enough about that, I scheduled my first IUI and Brad and I went in. After the sperm was injected, I had to lay on the table for 10 minutes and then I was free to go. For the following two weeks, I thought positive thoughts, didn't do anything to physical, and ate well. Well I didn't get pregnant that time around. We did try another natural IUI and few months later, and that didn't work either. The stress of everything, all of the pieces, was getting to be too much.
Brad and I decided that we wanted to meet with our doctor and talk more about the IVF process. That'll be the topic of my next infertility post.
A couple months later, we tried our first natural IUI. A natural IUI involves no medication and no ultra sound monitoring upcoming ovulation. Couples are pretty much on their own. On the day of the scheduled IUI (which is determined by an at home ovulation kit), the couple brings in a sperm sample, the sperm is washed, and then a doctor injects the sperm into the female's uterus. This is supposed to cut off about six hours of travel time for the sperm, and increase the chances of getting pregnant. With insurance, a natural IUI is only a couple hundred dollars, as opposed to around $15,000 for IVF.
For our first IUI, I had to keep track of my ovulation using an at home ovulation kit, and call the Infertility Department the first day I got a happy face on one of the sticks. I am extremely regular as far as ovulation goes. There have been months, though, where I have stressed too much or taken an antibiotic (I rarely do that) which caused me to ovulate later than normal. Anyway, keeping track of my ovulation was more stressful than I thought it would be. There is room for human error. For example, I could have peed on the stick in the AM, not received a happy face saying that I was going to ovulate soon, and assumed that I was not going to ovulate until tomorrow. But there was always a chance that if I had peed on the stick an hour or so later that same day, that I would have received a happy face, which could have caused me to go in for an IUI on the wrong day. Needless to say, I peed on way more than one stick per day before that first scheduled IUI. After getting a happy face, I called and made an appointment for an IUI the next day.
I must add a side note about what calling the infertility department entails because it isn't a stress-free thing. First of all, the department is separate from any other department at Kaiser. Although it is on the OBGYN floor, I don't check in at one of the normal check-in counters to pay my co-pay. I have to walk past all the pregnant women and all the new babies until I get to the the infertility department's door. I have to knock on the door and pray that someone answers it. There isn't a receptionist at the front of the department. Now that I've explained that, I can talk about the calling them part. There aren't very many people working in the infertility department, and since they're a unique department, they have unique hours. Their calling hours are 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and 8:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. on Thursdays (I can literally hear that recording playing in my head as I type this - I've called them too many times to count). I've never been able to get ahold of them during lunch time, so they must be closed during that time, too. Anyway, if I were to get a happy face on my ovulation stick at 1:00 p.m. on Thursday, I'd be out of luck to schedule an IUI for the following day because they close at 12:30 p.m. on Thursdays. I could potentially call that following day (Friday) at 8:30 a.m. and try and get an appointment for that day to have an IUI, but the chances of actually getting one would be slim. Furthermore, if I call on a Friday to schedule an IUI for the next day, which is a Saturday, I'd never be able to call the department if I needed to talk to them on a Saturday or Sunday (they don't answer the phones on the weekends), I'd only be able to go in for my appointment. They do schedule IUIs on Saturdays and Sundays. Here's another catch, if I were to get a happy face on Saturday, I couldn't call that day to schedule an IUI for the following day (a Sunday). All of these things gave me anxiety. I was constantly wondering when I'd ovulate, and then when I would, I'd be worried about actually getting ahold of someone in the department to make an appointment.
Okay, enough about that, I scheduled my first IUI and Brad and I went in. After the sperm was injected, I had to lay on the table for 10 minutes and then I was free to go. For the following two weeks, I thought positive thoughts, didn't do anything to physical, and ate well. Well I didn't get pregnant that time around. We did try another natural IUI and few months later, and that didn't work either. The stress of everything, all of the pieces, was getting to be too much.
Brad and I decided that we wanted to meet with our doctor and talk more about the IVF process. That'll be the topic of my next infertility post.
Monday, February 20, 2017
An Unplanned Journey - IVF
I had a plan that I put together back when I was in high school that included a timeline of when I thought important events would happen in my life. The first would be a teaching job right after I graduated (check). The second would be marriage by the time I was 23 (check) and the third would be becoming a mom by the time I was 25 (no check). Two out of the three events happened, along with many other unplanned events. Fast forward to to present day - I am 32 - I am still teaching and married, but the whole starting a family thing hasn't panned out like it has for so many people I know. I am a dog mom to two adorable "dog-ters", but that wasn't the mom I was referring to when I created my timeline. Brad and I have been actively trying to get pregnant since July 2011. We took some time off here and there, but it has always been in the back of my mind.
Not getting pregnant led me in the direction of clean eating, clean living, mental health, new friendships, and a disconnection from social media. I wanted to prepare my body for pregnancy, so I learned all that I could about healthy eating, which turned into a hobby/passion of mine. I loaded up on raw whole milk, organic produce, free-range eggs, free-range meat, and threw away anything that was in a 100 calorie pack or that said fat-free. I ventured into juicing, making almond milk, sprouting nuts, reading labels on everything I bought, etc. Eating clean, made me want to live clean, so I slowly changed out our pots, pans, plates, cups, toothpaste, deodorant, etc. All of the changes I made were good, and are now still very much a part of my life, but the root of starting it all was to try and get pregnant. I decided to stop Facebook and Instagram years ago, too, because seeing all the baby posts wasn't good for me mentally. I am well aware that I have an internal clock that is ticking, and seeing all the baby posts only made that ticking noise louder. I was and am so very happy for all the people that have babies/children, but seeing that daily, wasn't helping me think positively about my own journey.
Brad and I made our first appointment to see an infertility specialist through Kaiser back in December 2015. Making the initial appointment was emotional for me, more emotional than I had planned. I had tried for years to survive off the thought that it would happen when it was meant to, and that it would happen naturally. Finally taking that first step towards treatment, exposed all those wounds I had been trying to cover up. I had numbed myself about babies. I went through transitions of how I thought and spoke throughout the passing years. Long gone were the days of me saying, "When we have kids," or, "When I'm pregnant," etc. Those sayings were slowly replaced with, "If we have kids," and were then finally replaced with no comments at all. I didn't allow myself to think about having kids because it only brought on sadness and fear. I could no longer be disappointed or sad about not having kids if I didn't let myself think about that option in the first place. I avoided the topic completely.
Deciding to see a specialist was part of my due diligence. I had and have a deep feeling inside of me that tells me I'm supposed to be a mom. I tried so very hard to ignore the feeling, but as time passed, I realized that if I hadn't decided to see a specialist, I wouldn't have been able to feel like I had done all that I could to become a mom to something other than a fur baby. And yes, I am a teacher and consider my students to be near and dear to my heart, like my fur babies, but they are not my own and that yearning to be a mom is still very much present.
Going to Kaiser for our appointment was an experience. The first thing I noticed was that the infertility department was on the same floor as OBGYN and it shared the same waiting room. There were pregnant women and babies all around. It didn't make any sense to me, and caused me to cry unexpectedly. The best comparison I can think of is having a liquor store right next to the location of an AA meeting, and the two sharing a parking lot and register/check-in desk. Why Kaiser did that, I will never know.
Meeting with our doctor, I couldn't help but feel like she was reading from a script. I shared a little about our journey with her, which made me feel vulnerable and exposed, and then she jumped right into telling us statistics about different fertility treatments. Fertility treatments were foreign to me, and because of the clean eating that I had become passionate about, all the fertility drugs scared me. She ordered tests for us and then wanted to meet again to go over them. I'll share about the tests and results in my next post.
This has been a long journey and in some ways, it is just the beginning...
Not getting pregnant led me in the direction of clean eating, clean living, mental health, new friendships, and a disconnection from social media. I wanted to prepare my body for pregnancy, so I learned all that I could about healthy eating, which turned into a hobby/passion of mine. I loaded up on raw whole milk, organic produce, free-range eggs, free-range meat, and threw away anything that was in a 100 calorie pack or that said fat-free. I ventured into juicing, making almond milk, sprouting nuts, reading labels on everything I bought, etc. Eating clean, made me want to live clean, so I slowly changed out our pots, pans, plates, cups, toothpaste, deodorant, etc. All of the changes I made were good, and are now still very much a part of my life, but the root of starting it all was to try and get pregnant. I decided to stop Facebook and Instagram years ago, too, because seeing all the baby posts wasn't good for me mentally. I am well aware that I have an internal clock that is ticking, and seeing all the baby posts only made that ticking noise louder. I was and am so very happy for all the people that have babies/children, but seeing that daily, wasn't helping me think positively about my own journey.
Brad and I made our first appointment to see an infertility specialist through Kaiser back in December 2015. Making the initial appointment was emotional for me, more emotional than I had planned. I had tried for years to survive off the thought that it would happen when it was meant to, and that it would happen naturally. Finally taking that first step towards treatment, exposed all those wounds I had been trying to cover up. I had numbed myself about babies. I went through transitions of how I thought and spoke throughout the passing years. Long gone were the days of me saying, "When we have kids," or, "When I'm pregnant," etc. Those sayings were slowly replaced with, "If we have kids," and were then finally replaced with no comments at all. I didn't allow myself to think about having kids because it only brought on sadness and fear. I could no longer be disappointed or sad about not having kids if I didn't let myself think about that option in the first place. I avoided the topic completely.
Deciding to see a specialist was part of my due diligence. I had and have a deep feeling inside of me that tells me I'm supposed to be a mom. I tried so very hard to ignore the feeling, but as time passed, I realized that if I hadn't decided to see a specialist, I wouldn't have been able to feel like I had done all that I could to become a mom to something other than a fur baby. And yes, I am a teacher and consider my students to be near and dear to my heart, like my fur babies, but they are not my own and that yearning to be a mom is still very much present.
Going to Kaiser for our appointment was an experience. The first thing I noticed was that the infertility department was on the same floor as OBGYN and it shared the same waiting room. There were pregnant women and babies all around. It didn't make any sense to me, and caused me to cry unexpectedly. The best comparison I can think of is having a liquor store right next to the location of an AA meeting, and the two sharing a parking lot and register/check-in desk. Why Kaiser did that, I will never know.
Meeting with our doctor, I couldn't help but feel like she was reading from a script. I shared a little about our journey with her, which made me feel vulnerable and exposed, and then she jumped right into telling us statistics about different fertility treatments. Fertility treatments were foreign to me, and because of the clean eating that I had become passionate about, all the fertility drugs scared me. She ordered tests for us and then wanted to meet again to go over them. I'll share about the tests and results in my next post.
This has been a long journey and in some ways, it is just the beginning...
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Power of Words
I am a literacy teacher for twelve 1st graders and an alternative core intervention teacher for thirty-six 4th and 5th graders, all of whom have been labeled as "Below Grade Level" in Language Arts. Because of their seemingly negative label, many of my students have low self-esteem and don't see themselves the way I see them. One of my goals this year was/is to help change their perception of themselves, to help them see how wonderfully perfect they truly are. It seems the Universe is helping me with my goal this year, introducing me to things that have helped me along the way, encouraging me continue with my endeavor.
I started off the school year by teaching them about affirmations and the power of words. I learned about affirmations from Louise Hays and from some dear friends of mine (you know who you are :)). Positive affirmations have helped me in so many ways. I had my students write an affirmation about themselves on a sentence strip. I taught them how you can speak words into existence. If you don't feel smart, say, "I am smart." If you don't feel important, say, "I am important." I'll never forget my student who wrote, "I am tall," because he felt short and wanted to be tall :) All the sentence strips are posted in our classroom.
Our daily positive student affirmations:
"I am smart."
"I am important."
"I am kind."
"I am special."
After my students recite their daily positive student affirmations, I always say, "yes, you are," regardless of anything that happens that day in our class (i.e. a handful of poor choices, students not returning their Home Education, a bumpy/rough lesson, etc.). No grudges. Nothing is personal. Many of my students have requested to add on additional affirmations like, "I am awesome," and "I am amazing," which I encourage. There hasn't been a single school day where my students haven't said their affirmations...they won't let me forget. It warms my heart to have a student raise their hand and remind me that they didn't say their positive affirmations. It also warms my heart to listen/see my students share their affirmations with other students who don't attend our class.
I recently told my students that whenever I learned something new that I wish I would have known when I was in elementary school, I would share it with them. They loved that idea :) So when I learned that "hurt people hurt people," and "cooperation is the goal; not competition," from a class I attended (thank you K & T), I couldn't wait to share it with my students. They soaked up positive affirmations, so I felt confident they were ready for some additional uplifting, life changing words. And it didn't hurt that it went along with our Language Arts theme "Bullies Beware" perfectly! I started by writing "hurt people hurt people" on the white board and asking my students what they thought that meant. That was an interesting conversation :). I told them that it meant people who were hurting, hurt other people because they didn't know any better. They were hurting and wanted to make other people feel the same way, so they didn't feel so alone. We talked about how bullies are hurting people...they are hurting inside and don't know what to do. They are doing the best they can with what they know.
I continued by telling my students that bullies are not born mean. They are hurting inside and they need compassion. Many of my students gave me examples of how they had been hurt in the past, and together we identified how that individual was probably hurting inside. Once the saying, "hurt people hurt people," was introduced (it's still on our board), we refered back to it whenever there was an incident and we continue to do so. Children are wonderful at application.
Yes, I taught about acceptance of bullies, but I also taught my students how to stick up for themselves. I didn't tell a student to run up to a bully who was being mean and give them a hug, but I did tell them to remind themselves of our saying, "hurt people hurt people," when they are being bullied, as well as, "nothing is personal". We talked about walking away from a bully, telling the bully to stop saying what they are saying because they don't like it, telling an adult, etc. I understand that bullying is a huge problem for students. I shared some of my personal stories with them. I want my students to have a voice, not to be/feel voiceless just because they are children.
Moving onto cooperation, as opposed to, competition...I love this!!! I introduced this concept/idea to my students using Reading Counts lexiles (reading levels), since they had all recently taken their lexile test for the end of the 2nd trimester. I told them that competition regarding lexiles would be wanting to do better than their peers. Wanting to score higher, wanting to be better, wanting to be smarter, etc. Competition makes you feel better if you're winning, but it doesn't make you feel better if you're losing. Then, I told them that cooperation regarding lexiles would be wanting yourself to succeed, but wanting others to succeed as well, not caring about what their peers' lexiles were. Cooperation makes you feel good all the time because you always want everyone to do their best, including you.
In our class, we don't display lexiles, but we do display the lexile growth over the school year. It is not important for my students to know each others lexiles, but it is important for them to help celebrate the lexile growth of their peers and their own personal growth. No competition, just the desire for everyone to succeed. We do a ton of team activities, but competition isn't promoted, only success. We want all teams to succeed to the best of their ability.
Sayings used in our classroom:
"Use caring, compassionate, and kind words."
"Treat other people with care, compassion, and kindness."
"Nothing is personal."
"Focus on the present."
"Hurt people hurt people."
"Cooperation, not competition. We want everyone to do the best they can do."
"Speak it into existence. If you say you can't, then you won't ever be able to. However, if you say you can, you will be able to."
Our classroom is a safe place filled with "feel goods." It is a learning ground for my students to apply what they have learned. There are no grudges on my part, I greet my students with a smile and a "Good morning," every single school day, regardless of what happened the day before. I want them all to be successful and to see themselves as the perfect individuals they are. I am providing them puzzle pieces that have been passed onto me. It's up to them to create their puzzle.
I started off the school year by teaching them about affirmations and the power of words. I learned about affirmations from Louise Hays and from some dear friends of mine (you know who you are :)). Positive affirmations have helped me in so many ways. I had my students write an affirmation about themselves on a sentence strip. I taught them how you can speak words into existence. If you don't feel smart, say, "I am smart." If you don't feel important, say, "I am important." I'll never forget my student who wrote, "I am tall," because he felt short and wanted to be tall :) All the sentence strips are posted in our classroom.
Our daily positive student affirmations:
"I am smart."
"I am important."
"I am kind."
"I am special."
After my students recite their daily positive student affirmations, I always say, "yes, you are," regardless of anything that happens that day in our class (i.e. a handful of poor choices, students not returning their Home Education, a bumpy/rough lesson, etc.). No grudges. Nothing is personal. Many of my students have requested to add on additional affirmations like, "I am awesome," and "I am amazing," which I encourage. There hasn't been a single school day where my students haven't said their affirmations...they won't let me forget. It warms my heart to have a student raise their hand and remind me that they didn't say their positive affirmations. It also warms my heart to listen/see my students share their affirmations with other students who don't attend our class.
I recently told my students that whenever I learned something new that I wish I would have known when I was in elementary school, I would share it with them. They loved that idea :) So when I learned that "hurt people hurt people," and "cooperation is the goal; not competition," from a class I attended (thank you K & T), I couldn't wait to share it with my students. They soaked up positive affirmations, so I felt confident they were ready for some additional uplifting, life changing words. And it didn't hurt that it went along with our Language Arts theme "Bullies Beware" perfectly! I started by writing "hurt people hurt people" on the white board and asking my students what they thought that meant. That was an interesting conversation :). I told them that it meant people who were hurting, hurt other people because they didn't know any better. They were hurting and wanted to make other people feel the same way, so they didn't feel so alone. We talked about how bullies are hurting people...they are hurting inside and don't know what to do. They are doing the best they can with what they know.
I continued by telling my students that bullies are not born mean. They are hurting inside and they need compassion. Many of my students gave me examples of how they had been hurt in the past, and together we identified how that individual was probably hurting inside. Once the saying, "hurt people hurt people," was introduced (it's still on our board), we refered back to it whenever there was an incident and we continue to do so. Children are wonderful at application.
Yes, I taught about acceptance of bullies, but I also taught my students how to stick up for themselves. I didn't tell a student to run up to a bully who was being mean and give them a hug, but I did tell them to remind themselves of our saying, "hurt people hurt people," when they are being bullied, as well as, "nothing is personal". We talked about walking away from a bully, telling the bully to stop saying what they are saying because they don't like it, telling an adult, etc. I understand that bullying is a huge problem for students. I shared some of my personal stories with them. I want my students to have a voice, not to be/feel voiceless just because they are children.
Moving onto cooperation, as opposed to, competition...I love this!!! I introduced this concept/idea to my students using Reading Counts lexiles (reading levels), since they had all recently taken their lexile test for the end of the 2nd trimester. I told them that competition regarding lexiles would be wanting to do better than their peers. Wanting to score higher, wanting to be better, wanting to be smarter, etc. Competition makes you feel better if you're winning, but it doesn't make you feel better if you're losing. Then, I told them that cooperation regarding lexiles would be wanting yourself to succeed, but wanting others to succeed as well, not caring about what their peers' lexiles were. Cooperation makes you feel good all the time because you always want everyone to do their best, including you.
In our class, we don't display lexiles, but we do display the lexile growth over the school year. It is not important for my students to know each others lexiles, but it is important for them to help celebrate the lexile growth of their peers and their own personal growth. No competition, just the desire for everyone to succeed. We do a ton of team activities, but competition isn't promoted, only success. We want all teams to succeed to the best of their ability.
Sayings used in our classroom:
"Use caring, compassionate, and kind words."
"Treat other people with care, compassion, and kindness."
"Nothing is personal."
"Focus on the present."
"Hurt people hurt people."
"Cooperation, not competition. We want everyone to do the best they can do."
"Speak it into existence. If you say you can't, then you won't ever be able to. However, if you say you can, you will be able to."
Our classroom is a safe place filled with "feel goods." It is a learning ground for my students to apply what they have learned. There are no grudges on my part, I greet my students with a smile and a "Good morning," every single school day, regardless of what happened the day before. I want them all to be successful and to see themselves as the perfect individuals they are. I am providing them puzzle pieces that have been passed onto me. It's up to them to create their puzzle.
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