Baby BB - Part 2 - Birth Story

I had a definite vision for how I'd like my home birth to go: I wanted Baby A to be sleeping peacefully while I labored and then to be woken up right before Baby BB was born, or to go into labor during the day, so her sleep wasn't impacted. I wanted Brad by my side every second. I wanted the doula that I had for Baby A to be at my birth. I wanted my team of midwives to be there. I wanted my parents to be there. I wanted my mom and Baby A to make a birthday cake for Baby BB the day he was born, so we could all sing "Happy Birthday" to him. I wanted Baby BB to come out easily and quickly. I wanted Baby BB to be strong and healthy. I wanted to have a quick labor. I wanted everything to go smoothly and to not be transferred to the hospital. I wanted everyone to be COVID free (that was a HUGE concern for me). I wanted Brad and Baby A to see Baby BB be brought into this world. I wanted to go into labor after 37 weeks, so I could have a home birth. 

Well, my vision ended up being pretty darn spot on. There were only two things that happened that didn't go as I was hoping for - my doula ended up getting COVID a couple days before my water broke, so she couldn't be there, and I ended up needing a shot of Pitocin later on in the day after Baby BB was born because I had some extra bleeding and we wanted to play it safe. 

It started on Friday, 1/21/2022. That day, Baby A and I went for a walk to a nearby park. When we got there, Baby A asked me if we could have a picnic there - I couldn't turn her down. We walked back home, packed up a picnic, hopped in the car, and drove to the park. We ate and played soccer. We connected. She sat in my lap and we talked. Then, we went to Amazing Athletes and enjoyed the rest of our day. It was a peaceful day - no rushing around like it had been for so many months prior. That night, at 10:10 p.m., I got into bed to continue reading one of my books. As soon as I hit the mattress, I felt something coming out of me. I quickly jumped out of bed and water started gushing out. My water hadn't broken with Baby A, so I didn't know what to expect. I called for Brad (he hadn't come to bed yet). Brad is the calmest person I know in a stressful or unknown situation. He never panics and always thinks rationally - he is absolutely perfect for me. He told me to text Heather, our primary midwife. She called me right away. She had just gotten home from a home birth. I explained what happened. She told me to start timing my contractions once they started and to try and get some sleep. Brad cleaned up the floor and helped me get back into bed. I started shaking uncontrollably and was cold - I felt excited and nervous - it was beginning. I called my parents and let them know.

Around 11:00 p.m., I started feeling contractions. I started logging them on my contraction app. They weren't very strong and I could definitely breathe through them. I can't remember how long I stayed awake, but it was for quite some time because I wanted to keep track of each contraction. I talked to Heather and she said to stop tracking and try and get some rest. I remember feeling relieved that I didn't need to track any longer and I drifted off to sleep. I was woken up every 10 minutes or so with a contraction that I remember breathing through but not completely waking up (that sounds strange). At 6:00 a.m., my contractions were stronger. Adeline came into our bedroom at 6:45 a.m. and we explained to her that labor had started. She curled up next to me and held my hand while the contractions came and went. I was so grateful that she was able to get a good nights sleep. Brad made me breakfast and I stayed in bed experiencing each contraction. I looked at my birthing affirmations banner hanging up in our room (Adeline even made some birthing affirmations for me) and I focused on controlling my thoughts. Adeline recited an affirmation that she had learned, "there's nothing here for you to fear, you're safe and well protected." That affirmation stuck with me throughout the entire day and is something I recite daily to Baby BB, too. 

At 8:30 a.m., my contractions had slowed and didn't have a consistent pattern. I was still in bed because I felt tired and didn't want to get up yet. Heather told me that it was normal for contractions to slow down when the sun rose. She suggested that I walk around and enjoy the beautiful day. She said to do whatever my body told me to do. I talked to my mom on the phone and told her I'd call her when I needed her to come over. I decided to get up and walk around in the backyard. As soon as I got up, I started getting a strong contraction. I walked down the hall and another contraction came by the time I made it to the kitchen. I continued to get stronger contractions and they became closer and closer. At 10:00 a.m., Brad and I spoke to Heather and she said that she'd have Andrea, her assistant midwife, come check on me, since she lived really close by. I stood in the living room and looked out at the backyard - I never made it outside that day. The contractions continued to grow in strength, I started feeling pressure on my pelvic bone, and I wanted to get into the birthing tub. Baby BB was coming. 

While I was busy with my contractions, Brad and Baby A got everything ready for me. They filled up the birthing tub and grabbed towels. Brad is my planner and he had everything ready to go. Baby A watched me with a close eye ready to help in any way. Once Andrea showed up - I'm not sure of the exact time but it must have been by 10:30 a.m., I was not able to talk too much. I was riding the waves of the contractions as I walked around the house, stopping to lean on something while a contraction peaked, and then continued to walk some more until the next one. I told Andrea I wanted to get into the birthing tub. She told me I should and Brad and Andrea helped me get in. I remember Andrea talking to Heather over the phone telling her to come over asap and that she might not make it in time - Baby BB was ready to come out. Hearing that definitely excited me. I was nervous about the labor taking as long as Baby A's did. Kaleen, the other assistant midwife, was called to come over, too, and my parents. 

Getting into the tub was such a relief. I remember noticing that the intensity of the contractions were still strong (I was hoping that they'd subside a bit with the water like they had with Baby A while I was laboring at home with her), but the warmth of the water wrapped me up like a blanket and instantly comforted me. The contractions kept coming and I yelled out in pain not holding anything back. I didn't want Brad leaving for any reason and I wanted Baby A to leave the room, so I didn't scare her with the sounds I was making. I remember thinking those thoughts, but when I tried to say them, only one or two words came out. I called out for my mom - she came and took Baby A out of the room and the bedroom door was closed. Heather and Kaleen showed up. The three midwives were so quiet and had everything under control. They set out all the things they needed - each one had a task to do. They were calm and confident - they were in their element, which made me feel at peace. The natural sunlight was coming through out french doors and I saw Baby A on the tree swing in the backyard. Oh, how that brought me even more peace. Brad was by my side encouraging me every step of the way. Everything was unfolding perfectly. 

I felt the urge to push pretty soon after I got into the tub, but I didn't want to push too early. I started pushing too early with Baby A while I was in the hospital, which caused swelling, which caused a longer labor. I didn't want that to happen again, so I waited until it was an undeniable feeling to push. I remember feeling scared about pushing because of my past birthing experience. It was really hard for me and I didn't quite know where to push. I asked if I was strong enough to push and everyone in the room told me I was. The midwives and Brad surrounded the birthing tub. Heather was behind me and she massaged my back. She never told me what to do - she offered suggestions for a position to be in in the tub. I got into the runners start position, and pushed with all my might. I don't know how many contractions I pushed for, but I know it wasn't too many. I heard words of calming encouragement. I was in the zone. I felt safe. I felt ready. I felt strong. I never once thought of Baby BB getting stuck, which was my number one concern going into the birth. I pushed and his head came out. I pushed again, and the rest of him came out. He slid right out into Heather's arms under the water and she gently pushed him to me under my legs. I scooped him up, pulled him to my chest, leaned back and sat against the tub yelling "oh my god, oh my god." Brad and Baby A were right at my side. He was born at 11:37 a.m. Per my request, my mom and Baby A had been called in right before Baby BB was born so they could be a part of his birth. Brad calmly explained everything to Baby A as each question arose. 

It was an incredible experience pulling Baby BB up from the water and into my arms. The feeling of relief, joy, and unconditional love that rushed over me was intense. I was so relieved that I had done it - I gave birth to Baby BB. He didn't get stuck. We didn't need to go to the hospital. We crossed the finish line. Brad, Baby A, and my mom got to see Baby BB come into this world (my dad was in the backyard - I felt his presence). I did it. We did it.  

I didn't know it at the time, but Baby BB was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. Heather quickly removed it. We have the birth recorded and the way she communicated with the other midwives about everything was amazing. She was always calm - she never alarmed me about anything. I was in a state of birthing bliss. After he was born, he didn't cry right away, which I didn't notice either. Heather was watching and after a minute, she took him real quick and rubbed him and he started crying. He was placed right back in my arms - one of my hands never left him actually. If I had known the umbilical cord had been around his neck, or that he wasn't crying yet, I would have panicked. Heather knew exactly what to do, and Andrea and Kaleen worked perfectly as a team with Heather. They were beyond wonderful.  

After Baby BB was born, I stayed in the birthing tub to await the delivery of my placenta. I had big plans for that thing. Ha! With Baby A, I had a placenta specialist pick up my placenta and incapsulate it.  She also took the umbilical cord and shaped it into a heart, which was then dried as a keepsake. I took the placenta capsules daily for a couple of months. In theory, eating your placenta after birth can help with milk supply, regulate your mood. give you energy, etc. Unfortunately, I had terrible postpartum depression after Baby A was born - her going to the NICU was a huge factor in that. And I couldn't take the capsules right away because they needed to be made.  I can't say if the placenta capsules helped me with Baby A or not because of the postpartum. With Baby BB, I wanted to try out the route of eating the raw placenta by making placenta smoothies on the day he was born and the weeks after. I also wanted Baby A to get a little school lesson about the placenta by examining it with the midwives.  

I birthed the placenta about ten minutes after Baby BB was born. The amniotic sac came out first - it looked like a white jelly fish and was attached to the placenta. Then, the placenta came out and was placed in a bowl. Baby BB couldn't be too far from the placenta because he was still attached to it via the umbilical cord. I wanted delayed cord clamping to ensure that he got all of his blood from it. After the placenta was out, I continued to hold Baby BB against my bare chest soaking in all the skin to skin contact. Baby A and Brad were right by my side. We had become a family of four and we enjoyed getting to know our newest addition. 

Honestly, I don't remember the exact detail of everything that unfolded next. It all happened so quickly. Everyone was busy working around me tending to Baby BB and my every need. We were oh so well taken care of. I had help getting out of the birthing tub and was guided over to the bed around noon. It was so nice getting into my own bed. Baby BB nursed for the first time. We had our golden hour of family bonding time. We were all in awe of this new miracle that had been born. Baby A got to cut the umbilical cord to separate him from the placenta and then Kaleen gave a lesson about placenta. She went over all the parts of it. Baby A watched and listened. After the lesson, Kaleen took the placenta out to the kitchen, cut it up, and put it into ice cube trays for me and then made me a smoothie with it. 

At 3pm, the midwives helped me get up and walked me into the bathroom for a shower. They had the shower set at the perfect temp. I was beyond spoiled. Heather never left my side. I showered and then was dried off by Heather and Andrea - I told you I was spoiled. Ha! My body was sore and tired, but I didn't feel exhausted. I had an energy high from the experience. The sheets on my bed were changed out, I put on a robe, and then laid back down on the bed. 

I did have some tearing, which required some stitches. That was definitely my least favorite part. The numbing shot was huge - you would have thought that I wouldn't have minded it because I did two rounds of IVF, but seeing the size of that shot was a little unnerving. All three midwives helped out - Heather did the stitching. Brad was on the bed next to me helping me to stay calm. I had a little extra bleeding at the time of stitching, so Heather suggested that I have a shot of Pitocin, just to be cautious. I agreed. Baby A and my mom were out in the kitchen at this time because I didn't want Baby A to see the stitching part. While they were out in the kitchen, they baked a birthday cake for Baby BB, which was part of my original vision/dream. It actually happened! 

Once the stitching was done, Kaleen brought me the placenta berry smoothie (no, you can't taste any placenta). My mom, dad, and Baby A walked in with the birthday cake and we all sang "Happy Birthday." I still can hardly believe that it all unfolded the way I had imagined. 

We ended the day with a newborn exam. Baby BB was 8 pounds 8 ounces. Honestly, I was a little disappointed that he was so "small". Ha! I was prepared for a big boy, since Baby A was 9 pounds 11.5 ounces. He was 13 days early, though. Heather had the cutest little bag that Baby BB curled up in while he was weighed. Baby A never left her baby brother's side during the exam. 

After the exam and after the midwives assured that we were in good condition, the team of midwives gathered their belongings and left. You couldn't tell there had been a birth there that morning, other than the obvious postpartum things - pads, peri bottles, perineal spray, homeopathic womb recovery drops and essential oil roller, postpartum tea, and the hanging birth affirmation banner. I had entered into the 4th trimester. 

My experience of home birth was magical. I know that I'm blessed that it unfolded as it did - it could have turned out so differently, and I don't take that for granted. I held my breath a little before the birth because I knew of the risks of a home birth. I knew the what ifs and chose the path that felt right for us. I feel like it was an educated guess, too, which is what I strive for with any decision - it has to feel right and I like to have as much info as possible. I'm so grateful that Heather never pressured me to make a choice of home birth or hospital birth until the final days. Because of the placenta pool of blood that was found (see previous post for that), I just didn't feel comfortable with making a final decision for where to give birth until I had the right feeling and information. And I'm so grateful that Brad supported whatever decision I made, too. 

There is absolutely no comparison between Baby A and Baby BB's births. Both births led me to my miracle babies and unfolded as they were meant to. I still have work to do on accepting everything that happened with Baby A's birth - the NICU specifically, but I ultimately know that it was for my benefit. Everything is for my benefit. The lessons, the experiences, are all there to make me stronger and are there for me to grow and learn from. These polar opposite births were what I needed in some way. And I'll tell you what, I definitely learned that I am strong, oh so much stronger than I gave myself credit for. My mind, my thoughts, they are so powerful. My body listens to my mind and follows suit. I'm in awe of what my body did. Birth is a miracle. 

 

 

Baby BB - Part 1

I started this blog, Climbing to the Top with Lots of Sparkles, to document my personal and spiritual growth many many years ago, and to show how I incorporated what I was learning in my own life, into my classroom. It was before I became a mom to two beautiful souls. It was before I traded my professional teaching career for a home maker and entrepreneur title. It was before so many things. Over time, it transformed into an infertility blog where I documented my journey of becoming a mother. It became a form of reflection and processing the abundance of varying thoughts and emotions that I experienced throughout my IVF journey. I needed to blog - I needed to share what I was experiencing so I didn't feel so alone. The blog served it's purpose once Baby A was born. I felt fulfilled and I chose to spend the time that I used to use for blogging, on my time spent with Baby A. 

As time passed and Baby A wasn't so much a baby anymore, Brad and I started to discuss the possibility of another child. It seems crazy to me, as I'm typing this now, to say "possibility of another child," when I thought for the longest time that we wouldn't have a child at all. We had been trying naturally ever since Baby A came along, but I never ended up getting pregnant. We had embryos frozen from our first egg retrieval and one of them was a boy. We talked about transferring the boy embryo for quite some time, but there never seemed to be the right time and we didn't know how to navigate a second round of IVF. Many questions arose, but the primary concern was we were worried that Baby A would feel like she wasn't enough for us if we tried to have another baby. All we ever wanted and had hoped for was her, and once we had her, we couldn't imagine wanting more children - our wishes had been fulfilled. But, we continued to talk, especially to Baby A about another baby and we ended up deciding to go through another embryo transfer. 

Honestly, I didn't think the transfer would work. We had one shot at transferring our boy embryo and I thought to myself, there's no way this will work the first time around because Baby A worked the first time and what are the chances we'll have two successful IVF rounds that both worked the first time. I know that the negative thinking was not helpful, but deep down, those thoughts were a form of a shield protecting my heart from disappointment it the embryo transfer didn't take. I didn't want to get too excited or allow myself to feel too much of anything going into the transfer for fear that it wouldn't be successful. I wanted to protect Baby A from the possible disappointment, too.

This second round of IVF wasn't documented on my blog like it was for Baby A. Like I said earlier, it served it's purpose for me after Baby A was born. I definitely felt guilty for not documenting everything, but my time was spent elsewhere  - mainly on the child that I had currently with me. We reached out to our original doctor, Dr. Norion, and told him of our plans. He said I'd have to stop breastfeeding Baby A before starting the round because of the hormones. That made me put the transfer on hold for a bit because I didn't know if that's what I wanted to do, but once she turned three, I decided to end our breastfeeding journey. We reached out to Dr. Norion again and we got started right away, minus the egg retrieval since we had embryo already frozen from the first egg retrieval back in 2017.  

I vividly remember driving to HRC for our first appointment and getting teary eyed because all the feelings that I had experienced with Baby A came flooding back. In my opinion, the feelings of being infertile haven't left me. The thoughts don't consume my life like they had before Baby A, but they're very much there in the background. There are triggers that pop up - when I hear about people getting pregnant so quickly and easily, when I watch a movie or tv show that talks about infertility, etc. I feel healed by having Baby A, but I will never forget that part of my life, nor will I forget to think about other couples' infertility journeys. You'll never hear me ask a newly married couple, or any couple for that matter, when they're going to get pregnant. I even word things differently with Baby A - I don't say, "when you're a mommy," or, "when you get pregnant," instead, I say, "if you get pregnant," or, "if you want to become a mommy."  

I wanted to repeat the same things I did to get pregnant with Baby A when we transferred our boy embryo, but I quickly realized that couldn't happen. I wasn't in the same place in my life. I couldn't dedicate my life towards getting pregnant like I had with Baby A. I gave up that unrealistic thought and focused on what I could do. I could use the same doctor. I could use the same acupuncturist. I could eat and exercise and prepare the best I could. I could use the boy embryo's score/grade to be his nickname, Baby BB. 

Going into this second round of IVF, Brad and I wanted Baby A to be a part of everything we did. She couldn't go to the appointments at HRC because they don't allow children, but she was a part of everything else, this amazing three year old, from helping with my daily IVF injections by holding my hand while Brad administered them, to being there by my side the day of Baby BB's transfer. She actually got to see Baby BB be implanted in my uterus - it was such a special experience and one that I'll cherish forever. That isn't the norm, but she's definitely a unique three year old. 

The night before the embryo transfer

The day of the embryo transfer  -
in the transfer room 
right after the transfer happened 

Once we found out that the embryo had successfully implanted and that I was indeed pregnant, I remained guarded. In fact, I still didn't think it would be successful. I was prepared for the disappointment and a failed pregnancy - I hadn't really taken the time to think about what would happen if I actually did get pregnant and have another baby. I was scared. I was worried about the "loss" of the special bond that Baby A and I had. And worst of all, I felt oh so guilty about these thoughts. I felt like a terrible person for not feeling the same things that I had experienced with my pregnancy with Baby A. 

For the 1st trimester, I had pretty bad morning sickness. I wasn't physically able to be the same mom I was to Baby A and that saddened me. For the 2 trimester, I found out I had a pool of blood on my placenta that could lead to an early pregnancy or a  loss of the baby because of inadequate nutrition due to the pool. The thought of having another NICU experience brought on anxiety and fear. For the 3rd trimester, I got covid, which only added to the anxiety and fear. It was a wild ride, and I carried so much guilt for being anxious and fearful because I knew those were bad things that I was passing onto Baby BB. You're not supposed to stress. Baby feels everything you're feeling. Hearing those things made me feel like I was already failing my unborn child. I finally had to accept that I was doing the best I could with what was being presented to me, and to offer myself grace. The journey was unfolding perfectly even if I couldn't see it or didn't believe it. 

Throughout being pregnant, Brad and I wanted to do a home birth. We had wanted to do that with Baby A, but decided on laboring at home for as long as I could and then transferring to the hospital with our doula for an unmedicated birth. Baby A ended up going to the NICU and I ended up having pretty bad postpartum for over year, so a home birth this time around sounded appealing. We also wanted Baby A to be a part of the birth and not have to leave her while I went to the hospital to deliver. She has so many thoughts and emotions - we're hardly ever apart as is and the thought of her not being with us on such a special day didn't feel right to us (I in no way judge how other people choose to birth their little ones, though). Having the placenta pool put a little hiccup in the home birth, but the specialist I saw in Irvine for the pool actually gave us his blessings for a home birth at my last 3rd trimester appointment with him. The pool didn't stop Baby BB from growing - he was always in the 90th percentile in his size throughout the entire pregnancy. The specialist was a little worried about Baby BB getting stuck because of his size, but he said he was well proportioned, so he wasn't too worried. My midwife reassured us with informing us about what they would do if he were to get stuck, so we ended up making the 100% commitment to the home birth in the 3rd trimester. 

Our midwife's name is Heather. I could write a whole blog post about her. I was first introduced to her from one of our neighbors at the time I was pregnant with Baby A. My neighbor told me about a massage therapist that was wonderful for pregnant moms. I booked an appointment and found out that my massage therapist was actually working on becoming a midwife. As she massaged me on the table, she introduced me to home birth, elderberry syrup, and so so much more. She was/is definitely an important person for me to have met in this lifetime. The things she taught me aligned with my beliefs and values, I just didn't know about them until she informed me. I'm so glad she did. She's a true gift to all that meet her.

My due date was 2/2/22. I felt like he'd come early, but I wasn't sure. He ended up being born on 1/22/22 - still a bunch of 2's - 12 days early. Now, I'm ready to share the birth story...