Frozen Embryo - IVF

I am feeling so much better! I'm not quite back to my pre-IVF self yet, but I know I'll get there. We saw Dr. Norion yesterday and he said that I still have some fluid in my abdomen area, and that my ovaries aren't quite back to normal, but I'm recovering well considering all the craziness from last week. Thinking back about last week, I still can't believe that the egg retrieval is done (and the TAP, too). I honestly didn't expect the recovery to go for as long as it did, but I made the best of it and gave my body what it needed - time to heal and recover. It honestly seems like something that happened a long time ago. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not in any rush to do another egg retrieval, and hopefully I won't need to, but if that's where our journey leads us, I could do it again. At least I'd know what to expect the second time around, and so would Dr. Norion, so I'm sure that my trigger shot would be a little different (that's what he said he'd change).

We ended up having a total of fourteen embryo frozen, which is really a great number! Once the eggs were fertilized, they changed from being called "eggs" to "embryo". At first, I was a little bummed about the lower number since we started at 63 eggs, but Dr. Norion told us the number would drop significantly because of my PCOS and because that's what normally happens anyway. He said that the goal is not to create a ton of embryo, rather, to create a healthy baby. I know there are many woman that come out of the retrieval with zero embryo, so I am extremely grateful to have what we do. I think the large number at the beginning just threw me off a bit.

When we met with Dr. Norion yesterday, he went over the embryologist report with us. The embryologist took care of my eggs and Brad's sperm starting the day of the retrieval. He or she took my 63 eggs and then injected each egg with one of Brad's sperm. The sperm went through an obstacle course of sorts, and then were hand selected/picked for my eggs. They used a process called ICSI (hand picking the strongest, fastest, best shaped sperm and injecting one sperm into each egg using a needle). The embryologist then watched for day two (the number of embryo that matured and were fertilized - we had 35 mature and 30 out of the 35 fertilize). Then, they left the mature, fertilized embryo alone until day 5. On day 5, the embryologist took the embryo that had made it to the final stage (blastocyst), took a few cells from each, froze them, and then froze the cells. They did the same with the embryo that made it to day 6. We had 10 day five embryo and four day six embryo. The embryologist made side notes about my eggs and then about the embryo. It was kind of neat to see those and go over them with Dr. Norion. So much time and thought is put into the whole process of getting "good" embryo. It's truly a science.

Dr. Norion said that Brad and I had made really nice embryo and said that they all qualified for the next step, which is genetically testing them. There were some embryo with higher grades than others (the embryologist gives each embryo a grade based on their size, inner cell mass, and lining), but there weren't any "failed" ones. We were really happy to hear that! We weren't quite sure what to expect, so getting to move forward and have all the embryo genetically tested is good news.

One of Dr. Norion's many drawings

Dr. Norion loves to draw pictures to describe things during our meetings, which I appreciate since I tend to be more of a visual learner myself. He drew a picture of an embryo that made it to the blasto stage and then he described the different grading scale. The cells that were removed from each of the embryo before being frozen will be used for the genetic testing. We should get the results of the genetic testing back within 10 business days. The report will say yes or no to any chromosome deformities for each embryo, as well as, specify the gender of each embryo. If the embryo that had the highest grade come back as chromosomally normal, we will try those out first. We have decided to transfer only one embryo for our first transfer, which is what Dr. Norion suggested. There is a small chance that the embryo could split into twins or triplets, but that is highly unlikely.

We can keep the embryo frozen for as long as we want. I think one of the many forms I signed mentioned that any embryo remaining after I turn 59 will be destroyed, but I don't plan on having a transfer done when I'm 59, so I'm okay with that. I hope the building that holds everyones' embryo has a backup generator :) I'm sure it does!

Once we get the genetic testing results back, our nurse will send us a calendar for when I start the medication for the embryo transfer. I get to take injections again, but to change things up a bit, they get to be put into my booty instead of into my stomach. I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of meds I'll be taking to prepare for the transfer, but I am committed to this. I'm okay with it all and trust Dr. Norion completely.

The transfer will be done towards the end of June and we'll find out if it was successful at the beginning of July (maybe even on our 10th year wedding anniversary!). At this moment, I am planning on being open with everyone about the date of our transfer, which means that I am also planning on being open about if it is successful or not. It may seem strange to do that, since I know that it is the norm to not share about someone being pregnant until they've been pregnant for a couple months, but I feel like this scenario is a little different. It is no secret that we are actively trying to get pregnant. It is no secret that this journey is full of ups and downs, and of planned and unplanned events. And it is no secret that I am open about our journey. I honestly believe that the support I had from everyone during the retrieval helped give me strength, so I'm going to use the strength of that continued support to help with wherever this first embryo transfer leads. Obviously I'd love nothing more than to have a success the first time around, but I know that I am not in control of that. I am in control of my thoughts about the process, but nothing more.

From now until we get the results from our genetic testing back, I am going to actively focus on getting back to normal. I'm going to get back into my daily mediation, daily walking, daily affirmations, daily healthy eating, yoga (notice there wasn't "daily" in front of that one ;), etc. I took a little break from everything last week allowing myself to recover, but it is time to get back to me. I am going to enjoy the next fews weeks without daily injections and am going to enjoy spending time with Brad without talking about IVF 24/7. I'm taking a break from IVF per se. I have started birth control (the first step of the embryo transfer cycle), but I don't think much about it after I take it in the morning. No, I don't love taking birth control, but I don't resent it. I accept it. I will enjoy this little break from injections because it sounds like once I get started again, I'll be taking them for quite some time. We have come so far and I am looking forward to the next steps of this journey, keeping in the back of my mind, that this is only one journey out of millions. It is all unfolding perfectly and I trust that whatever the outcome, I will learn and grow from each experience and take the new knowledge with me on my future journeys.

We've got Eggs (and hyper stimulation)! - IVF

Before I begin writing about this past week's events, I want to start by saying that I never expected to receive so much support and love from people throughout this journey! I have received countless texts, phone calls, messages, Facebook comments, emails, in person conversations, etc. from people wishing Brad and I their best. I honestly believe that all the prayers, positive thoughts, love, and good energy have helped get me this far. I'm so glad that Brad and I have been open about our journey because I wouldn't want to do this without all the support. It has made things much easier and has made me feel stronger. Thank you!

Last Friday night, Brad gave me my last injection, the trigger shot, which had to be administered right at 9:00 p.m. (35 hours before the egg retrieval). My parents were over because we were all watching the Ducks game (Let's Go Ducks!). They got to see Brad in action. We had a little snafu with the trigger shot because the size of the syringe we got from HRC wasn't big enough to take all the liquid from the trigger vile, which made us think that maybe I shouldn't get the entire contents of the vile. I found the actual syringe that came with the trigger shot, and it fit all the medication (minus a few drops). Brad wanted to make sure that I got every drop, so he ended up poking me twice, once with the filled up syringe and once with the couple of drops full syringe. Because of the syringe issue, I didn't get the injection until 9:03 p.m. It was a tad stressful because of the time crunch, but it all worked out. I didn't have a bad reaction to the injection and it didn't really even hurt going in.

On Saturday, I didn't get any injections. I sure was happy about that. I did start Doxcycline and continue my preventative hyper stimulation medication, but those were oral, so no biggy. Saturday night, we dropped the girls off at Grammy and Grampy's house (they love staying there!), and then we drove out to Pasadena. We wanted to stay in a hotel the night before the procedure because we didn't want to worry about traffic in the morning. The hotel we stayed at was five minutes away from HRC in Pasadena. Our room had a balcony AND a screen door, so we were able to keep the door open the whole night. The room was perfect! We didn't even need to have the air conditioner running throughout the night! I slept really well. I did wake up quite a few times to use the restroom (I felt pregnant and still do), but then I went right back to sleep.

On Sunday morning, Brad and I woke up at 6:15 a.m. and left the hotel at 6:45 a.m. I forgot to mention that the surgery required 8 hours of fasting, so when we woke up, I didn't have much to do (no eating or drinking for me). Breakfast is one of my favorite meals of the day, but egg retrieval day was worth the late breakfast. When we got to HRC, the lobby was quite stunning! It had chandeliers and big, comfy chairs. The color scheme was comforting and soothing. We sat down and waited to be called back. I was really calm and thought positive thoughts. I thought about my plump veins, and I thought about all the eggs that would be collected. When some of those sneaky negative thoughts popped up like, "What if there's an earthquake while I'm under anesthesia and my doctor pokes through some of my eggs?", or "What if when the eggs are retrieved, the embryologist drops them while transporting them to the room for fertilization?" I allowed the thoughts to come in and then go out. I didn't give them any energy, or allow myself to awfulize and build them up. I was called back right at 7:00 a.m. Brad didn't get to go into the pre-op room with me.

The pre-op room wasn't as fancy as the lobby and waiting room area, but it was clean and tidy. The nurses were all friendly and on top of things. I was the only patient in the pre-op room. My nurse showed me my slipper socks (yay!), gown, head cap thing, and bag for my clothes, and she told me what to do with everything. I changed into what they gave me and even had a chance to take a selfie.

I was in good spirits, which the nurses commented on. They said they liked how positive I was about everything. After changing, I went to the restroom, and then was shown to the operation room. It was small and the lights were dim. There was calming music playing in the back ground. It actually kind of reminded me of a spa. My nurse had me lie down on my back and she hooked up different cords to my chest and back, and then took my blood pressure. Next, came the IV. I have to say that it wasn't nearly as bad as I had remembered. In fact, my veins were perfectly plump and the nurse said that the minimal pain I felt was 90% due to my good veins. She didn't know about the positive affirmations I had been saying about my veins. I thanked her for doing such a great job. I was feeling grateful about everything the day of the egg retrieval. After the IV was in, a strap was put across my stomach constricting my arms. The nurse said the bed was narrow and that would ensure that my arms wouldn't fall over the side during the surgery. It was a tad unnerving when I was first strapped in (that earthquake thought popped in again), but I reminded myself to breathe deeply and to focus on my surroundings instead of on the "scary" straps. After the set up part, Dr. Norion came in to the room to check-in, and then I met the anesthesia doctor. He walked right over to my IV, pumped some stuff in, and said I'd feel sleepy soon. Wow! Boy did I ever feel sleepy soon! I think I passed out a couple seconds after he said that.

The next thing I remember, I was waking up in the pre-op/recovery room. I was freezing! My teeth were chattering and I couldn't get the chills under control, which is exactly how I responded the last time I was under anesthesia.  I sure was grateful for the warm slipper socks they had given me! The nurse put a warm sheet around my head, and that helped with the shivers. Brad was brought back and he brought my heart rate down. I didn't know it, but my heart rate was up a bit. The minute Brad came back and told me to breathe deeply, my heart rate went down. He has a calming effect on me (when he wants to ;)). The nurse gave me some pain and anti-nausea medication through my IV. She

also gave me crackers and juice. I was a little leery of the crackers and juice because they weren't a part of my preventive hyper stimulation diet (no sugar and no starches), but I was starving and thirsty. Brad gave me a couple pieces of crackers and some sips of water - I chose to pass on the juice. Dr. Norion came in and said everything went well. He said they were still counting my eggs. After I got my shivers under control and I was feeling a level three of pain (that's so hard for me to determine!), my nurse came in and said that they had the egg retrieval count...63 eggs! She was shocked and said that might by a record for Dr. Norion. I asked what the average count number was and she said most people are happy with a double digit. Wow! Brad and I couldn't believe it! That explained why I was so bloated towards the end of last week. They had expected to retrieve a large number of eggs from me, but not that high.

I think I was in the recovery room for about 30 minutes (while I was awake), and then they said I could get dressed and leave. Brad helped me get dressed and then I was wheeled out to the parking lot in a wheelchair. My stomach was uncomfortable. I didn't have sharp pains, but I felt a constant uncomfortable-ness. Brad reclined the passenger seat for me, turned up the heater and seat warmer, and covered me with a blanket. Then we got on the road and drove back home. I called my mom and dad while in the car and told them the news. 63 eggs! Once we were at home, I laid on the couch, put a heating pad on my stomach, and relaxed. I wasn't in a ton of pain - just discomfort. The heating pad helped a ton. Brad made me scrambled eggs. I was famished! After eating, I napped on and off. I took my antibiotic, preventative hyper stimulation medication, and Tylenol 3 with codine.

That night, I had really bad lower back pain. I woke up often to use the restroom. Any pressure on my bladder woke me up. I decided to sleep in our guest room because the mattress is firmer. I was able to decrease the back pain with the firmer mattress and then I continued my sleep a bit, wake up to use the restroom, sleep again a bit, wake up to use the restroom pattern.

Monday morning came around and I was starving! Brad made me some eggs (they are still my favorite thing to eat) and I moved from the guest bed to the living room couch. My stomach was really bloated and I didn't feel any better than the day before. I had the same stomach discomfort, if not more, and I felt lousy. HRC in Pasadena called to check in on me. I missed their call, but I called back and answered all their questions. HRC in Ontario called next, which, I missed, too (my phone was on silent). Brad and I had been waiting for the call from HRC in Ontario because they were going to tell us how many eggs made it through the night and how many fertilized. I called back and my nurse said that 35 out of the 63 eggs matured, and 30 of the 35 fertilized. That was a great number! The next thing was to wait for the call Friday to see how many made it to the final stage.

Tuesday morning came around and I still felt poorly. I had a bout of nausea right after I woke up, but it passed quickly (there were some tears shed though). I had some shortness of breath and my stomach was really bloated. I decided to called HRC and see if I could be checked for hyper stimulation. The nurse said they had been waiting for me to call with pain because of the high number of eggs retrieved. Brad drove me to HRC in Ontario and Dr. Norion did an internal ultra sound. I was hoping not to have an internal one done because of how much pain I was in, but when he started with the one on the top of my stomach, he couldn't see everywhere. Dr. Norion found liquid below my right lung, off to the left of my left ovary, and in the middle of my lower abdomen. He said that he wanted to drain the liquid the next day in Pasadena. I had hyper stimulation. The nurses took some blood for blood work and urine for a urine test. Dr. Norion prescribed me an anti-nausea medication, and I was sent home.

I had originally planned on only being out from work on Monday, but because of everything that had been going on (I couldn't even stand up straight!), I decided to take the week off. My amazing sub, wonderful colleague, and A+ mom helped make it all work. I couldn't have done it without them!

Yesterday, Wednesday, at 3:45 a.m., Brad and I drove to Pasadena (yes, I typed 3:45 A.M.!). Due to the early time, we didn't have any traffic and made it right on time. I felt every bump in the road and on the freeway and winced with pain as we went over each one. I was told to fast for 8 hours prior to the procedure just in case they needed to use anesthesia. When we got there, the same nurse took me into the pre-op room and gave me the same instructions for changing into the gown. I was put into the same surgery room and set up in the same way. Yep! Two IV's in one week...that's a record for me :) I bled much more with this IV, and honestly, my positivity meter was running a little low. I found out that the actual IV that is put into the skin is made of plastic. The needle doesn't stay in. That made me feel better about moving my hand. In the past when I've had IV's, I wouldn't move my hand and I would baby it for fear that the needle would poke through my skin or something. Once I found out that it was a piece of plastic (yes, the thought of BPA popped into my head for a second), I felt better. I was strapped in again. This time, my feet were also strapped into the stirrups (that was a little uncomfortable).

Dr. Norion came in and did an internal ultra sound. Without going into too many details, all the stuff that followed the ultra sound (needles, numbing medication through needles down yonder, hardware, cleaning solution, tubes, etc.) were all used next to get rid of some of the liquid that had been collecting in parts of my body. Dr. Norion collected about 500 ccs (1 liter) of liquid. He wasn't able to get it all because my ovaries were still extremely large and swollen. The procedure, called TAP, was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. I don't know about anyone else, but I normally like to know when the most painful part of something will be over. I knew that the most painful part of the egg retrieval would be the IV. But with this TAP, I never knew what was the most painful thing or part. It was one painful thing after another. I cried, I cussed, I bucked up from pain and was glad I was restrained, and I kicked a nurse (although I'm not too sure how since my feet were strapped in). If I don't hear, "You'll feel a little pressure," again from another doctor, I'd be a happy camper. I know my doctor did a wonderful job, but quite honestly, if I ever do that procedure again, I will speak up and request that I am put under anesthesia for it. It was bad - maybe even a little traumatic.

When I was moved out into the recovery room, I was sobbing uncontrollably. It was part because of the pain and part because of relief that the procedure was finally over. Brad came back and I cried even more. He was really concerned. I calmed down after a short bit, and Dr. Norion came into check on me. He said that my urine test from yesterday was fine, but one of the blood work tests came back low. He wanted me to have some fluid put in via my IV. I think there were three bags total, but I'm not positive of the number. I also got pain medication and anti-nausea medication via my IV. Dr. Norion said that the procedure wasn't normally so painful, but my ovaries were moving around a lot pushing on the tools he was using to remove the liquid from my abdomen. I had some crackers and water, and then was cleared to go. Oh, Dr. Norion prescribed me an additional antibiotic because of something that came back on my blood test. I trust everything he tells me to do, but I honestly don't always remember the details of what he says. I just take what he says to take and do what he says to do. I wasn't wheeled out of HRC this time (I think because I wasn't under anesthesia for the procedure). Brad drove me home and I fell asleep.

Today, Thursday, I feel better and am not in nearly as much pain as I was in the last couple of days, but I'm still bloated. I apologize for too much information, but I struggled with really bad constipation this morning because of all the pain meds and everything adding up. That part was really bad, too! Brad has been the best nurse! He's made all my meals and waited on me. I'm glad this recovery time won't be as long as the one from back in 2010 when I had my big knee surgery. I am not as helpless this time as I was back in 2010 (he had to give me baths and get me dressed, too).

Tomorrow, we will find out how many eggs made it to the final stage. They may want to observe them until Sunday, but we'll get a call tomorrow for sure. I'm hoping that I continue to feel better with each passing day and that my pregnant like belly goes down by Monday. Today is quite honestly the first day that I've had enough energy to type about my experience. I am not ready for teaching yet, but I will be by Monday (as long as I don't have to go potty every hour).

This journey has once again taught me that all I can do is live in the moment. I can plan for tomorrow, but I don't know what the actual plan for me is. I know that my life is unfolding perfectly and that the universe has a plan for me, but I don't know the plan until the day of. Things haven't gone as I planned, but they have gone as they were planned for me. I was meant to have these experiences (regardless of if I feel ready or not). I must admit that my positive outlook was challenged this last week. I had periods of weakness and suffering. I had periods of tears and pity.  I had periods of thinking old thoughts like, "Why can't I get pregnant naturally instead of "having" to do it this way?" but that's okay. I can feel and think those things as long as they don't consume me. The experiences of IVF will not break me, but they will make me stronger. I am stronger today than I was yesterday, and I will continue to get stronger (at least that's my affirmation anyway ;).

Sunday It Is! - IVF

Last night was my last night of Follistim, Menopur, and Ganorelix injections. Yay! I don't know if I get to take any of the same medication again later on down the IVF road, but for this time around, I'm done with them. Brad and I went and saw Dr. Norion this morning. I had blood work and an internal ultra sound done. Dr. Norion said my follicles have continued to make nice growth, and Sunday will definitely be the day of the retrieval. I have 22 follicles on my right ovary and 16 on my left. He said that I am at risk of hyper stimulation, so he prescribed me another medication that I get to take for the next eight days to help with that. He asked me how I was feeling and I said I was feeling a little bloated. He said that I should be given the amount of follicles I have and their size. This past Tuesday was the first day that I started feeling too uncomfortable to button up my jeans. One of my friends taught me about the rubber band method for jeans, and that's worked out beautifully!

After meeting with Dr. Norion, I met with one of the nurses. When she walked into the room, she said that her and the other nurses were just looking at my follicle numbers and sizes and they were amazed by how quickly my follicles grew and by how many have grown. I guess not all normally grow, but a large amount of mine have. Let's go eggs! She had me sign a bunch of paperwork. Not as much as last time, but there was enough and it was uncomfortable to sit up straight for a long time (I need some stretchy pants like Nacho Libre).  I filled out info about the egg retrieval procedure. I will be under anesthesia for a couple of hours for the procedure, so there were some questions regarding that. I was also given a schedule for the next three days. I get to take a trigger shot of Lupron tonight at 9:00 p.m. on the dot (I already took my hyper stimulation medication today). Then, I get to take an antibiotic starting tomorrow morning, so I don't get an infection from the procedure and continue taking my hyper stim pill. I don't get any injections tomorrow! That's some exciting stuff right there! I get to fast for 8 hours prior to my procedure, which in the past, has made it difficult for the nurses to get an IV into me. I'm going to work on envisioning that my veins are fat and plump for Sunday's procedure even without water. The nurse said that I should feel back to normal by the time I start my next period, in around 8-10 days after the procedure. I am taking off Monday from work, and am planning on going back on Tuesday, but if my body needs more time to recover, I will take more time off. I have already started saying affirmations like, "my body recovers and heals easily." I will be sure to listen to my body and not push it too far. In addition to the schedule, the nurse also gave me a hyper stimulation diet to follow. I am supposed to add more salt and dairy to my diet, cut out sugar and starch, and drink coconut water and vegetable juice. I should also eat eggs. I absolutely LOVE eggs and have two of them a day. Seeing eggs and milk on the list made me happy! I LOVE the raw milk I drink daily, too! I pretty much already eat a hyper stimulation diet as is, minus the high salt, so there's not much I need to do differently.

Brad and I went to Clarks after meeting with Dr. Norion to pick up some organic vegetable juice, soup, milk, bacon, and a few other staples. We also stopped at a Rite Aid pharmacy to drop off the prescription. I didn't know what to expect cost wise, but I knew it was all going to be out of pocket since I have Kaiser and the prescription wasn't requested by my Kaiser doctor. We were given a quote of almost $300! The pharmacist suggested that we shop around and try Walmart's pharmacy. The nurse at HRC also suggested that I go onto goodRX.com to find the cheapest place to fill the prescription. I decided to try out goodRX after school was over. Brad dropped me back off at school (I went in for an hour this morning before our appointment with Dr. Norion). Within about 15 minutes after being dropped off, I started feeling really bloated and I was having lower back pain. And to make matters worse, the whole rubber band and jeans trick wasn't cutting it. I didn't want any pressure on my stomach at all! It was really hard to sit, but I was too tired to stand up for a long time. When the kids went out to recess, I checked out goodRX.com and it said that the Vons pharmacy had the medication and it would cost $70. Sweet! I texted Brad and asked him to come pick up the coupon that I printed out from goodRX.com and the prescription request and take it to Vons. He did and came back with the medication 25 minutes later. I took it right away. I made it through until the end of the school day, finished up my sub plans for Monday, and went straight home.

Sitting on the reclining couch at home has been helpful and pretty much pain free. Bending over is no bueno. In fact, I could barely tie my shoes this morning and I had Brad tie my shoes at HRC today. I'm thankful that tomorrow isn't a work day and that I can chill. Dr. Norion said no exercise, so I guess I won't be doing my normal weekend house cleaning, which is a little bit of a challenge for me. If you know me, you know that I have a broom and vacuum fetish and enjoy cleaning. I guess this is another lesson for me in letting go of things, like embracing the tiny sticks that are on my living room rug right now that Betty has brought in from her adventures from outside in the backyard. It's all good. Egg retrieval day is almost here, and I can hardly wait!

Getting Ready for the Egg Retrieval - IVF

This has been an eventful, busy week full of blessings and it isn't over yet. On Tuesday night, Brad gave me my injections like normal. I even did a full body scan like I do before my daily meditation. I started at the top of my head and took deep breaths thinking about my entire body relaxing. Brad started with the Follistim (the one I barely feel) and then he injected the Ganorelix. I thought that it was the Menopur because I felt a burn. After he was done injecting it, he said "Uh-oh," which was a little unsettling for me as I was lying there on the couch. I immediately asked, "What?!?" He said that he thought maybe he hadn't pushed the needle down all the way into my skin because there was a welt on my skin where the injection had been. He thought maybe some of the liquid caused my skin to bubble up. Since I hadn't experienced that reaction before, I kind of panicked. I looked at the bump and it looked like a blister. I still had one more injection, the Menopur (my least favorite one). Brad told me to calm down and relax so he could give me the last injection. I teared up a little, but with his reminder, I put those awful-izing thoughts away and focused on accepting the injection into my body.

After the injections, I iced my stomach and texted my neighbor. It just so happens that my neighbor works in an ER, and has had experience with injections (what a blessing!). While I waited for her to respond, I googled "reaction at Ganorelix injection site." As you know, I try not to google anything about IVF because I don't want to think about what could go wrong and bring that negative energy into my body. However, I felt like this was a good time for an exception. It turns out that many people have experienced a welt after the injection, but I didn't see any pictures of it, so I couldn't quite tell if I had what they were describing. They also mentioned that it happened when the air bubble in the Ganorlelix syringe wasn't removed before injecting. The Ganorelix is the only injection that comes already premixed and in the syringe, and I didn't think to look for air bubbles. The air bubble thing made me more unnerved (someone online mentioned death due to an air bubble being injected - that wasn't what I needed to read at that moment ;)). I didn't hear back from my neighbor, so I walked over there. Brad thought I was a little crazy for wanting to go talk to our neighbor, but I said that I bet I wasn't the first woman who ever went to the ER because of a bad reaction to an IVF medication (at least that's what I was choosing to believe), and going to see my neighbor was like going to the ER and being seen by a doctor so my mind was made up. My neighbors on both side of our house are amazing! We are truly blessed to have them and feel like they are a part of our family. When I went next door, my neighbor was eating dinner outside with her family (sorry for the interruption, guys!), and she stopped everything and helped me out. Wow! She took a look at my stomach and said that it was okay, but to keep an eye out for it growing hot to the touch and/or redness spreading around the welt. She said to ice my stomach. She also said that the air bubble was okay because the injection wasn't injected into an artery. Phew! I was going to be okay. I may have overreacted (don't tell Brad), but the peace of mind I got from my neighbor was priceless. I went back home, iced, went to bed, and woke up in the morning welt-less. Yay!

Going out of order, lets back up to Monday night of this week. One of my friends (the "seasons" and "hen" friend) texted me after reading my blog Monday night and said that she had an appointment with Quest Diagnostics on Wednesday at 7:45 a.m. and would be happy to give me her appointment if I didn't get seen before then, so I could make it to my field trip on time. To me, that was a sign that I was on the right path. What are the odds of a friend having an appointment on the same day that I needed to go in and have an appointment time that would work for me?! Wow! And what an awesome friend to be willing to donate her appointment to me?

Now, let's fast forward to Wednesday morning. I arrived at Quest Diagnostics at 7:01 a.m. (a little later than I had wanted). There were four names ahead of mine on the sign-in sheet, so I thought I'd be good. I waited for about 10 minutes, and no one had been called back yet for blood work. I was anxiously (but trying so hard not to be anxious) watching the time go by. My mom was right about the slow pace there. That was my first experience using Quest Diagnostics, and they did what I needed, so I don't want to complain about them. I'm simply telling my experience as it happened. Anyway, my "hen" friend texted me and said she was on her way. She arrived at 7:15 a.m. and she instantly brought me a sense of peace and calmness. We chatted and she helped make the time go by quickly. I was finally called back at around 7:40 a.m., had by blood drawn, and was sent on my merry way.

I got to school at 7:52 a.m. (the bell rings at 8:00 a.m.) before the start of school. I was able to get some last minute things done before the start of the day (I did forget to put out the math station recording pages and the pocket chart activity for my 1st graders, but my wonderful sub made it all work). The bowling alley trip was really fun and went quite smoothly thanks to the teacher that was in charge of setting it up for all the kinders at our school. After the students went home (it was a minimum day for staff development), I went to lunch with one of my wonderful colleagues and talked her ear off. I am blessed to work with the people that I do. They are more than just colleagues - they are like family. After our short lunch, we went back for a training.

My lining

By the end of the training, I was exhausted! I went home for about 45 minutes, played with the girls, and then got in the car to head to HRC in Ontario. There wasn't as much traffic as I had expected, but there was still more than I'm used to. I ended up getting there right on time. Dr. Norion said that they had received my blood work from Quest and that all my hormone levels looked good. He gave me an internal ultra sound and measured my follicles. He said that my follicles are growing nicely and that Sunday is still the plan for the egg retrieval. Apparently, there is an egg inside of each follicle, so a growing follicle means a growing egg. I currently have 18 follicles on my right ovary and 14 on the left. He also said that the lining of my uterus is great. Based on the ultra sound and blood work, he decreased the dosage of my Follistim. I sent the info to the person that gives me acupuncture, and she said that she wants to see the size of the follicles on Friday morning, and decide at that time if she'll give me acupuncture Friday afternoon.

Some of my follicles (eggs are inside!)

It took me an hour to get home (lots of traffic), but I talked to my mom via Blue Tooth the whole way home, so it went by pretty quickly. When I got home, I started getting all my stuff ready for injections. Brad wasn't home Wednesday night because he had a work dinner. His aunt (and mine, too :)), said she'd be honored to come give me my injections. Another blessing! I'm pretty sure that I couldn't have given myself the injections. Nope, that wouldn't have been good. She's a nurse and she lives right by us, so it worked out perfectly. She's amazing! She suggested that I use a heating pad before the injection. One of my friends on Facebook suggested the same thing but I never tried it because I knew what to expect with the ice and I was worried that the heat may not work for me. Since she was the second person to suggest that to me, and since she is a nurse, I decided to give it a shot. I actually had the heating pad out already. The heating pad worked nicely. I think it even made the Menopur burn less. She stayed for awhile after the injections and we chatted. I am loved!

Now, it's Thursday afternoon. Brad is back and will give me my injections tonight. I see Dr. Norion tomorrow morning. If all goes well, he'll tell me about the retrieval on Sunday and will tell me about the trigger shot I'm supposed to start taking before the retrieval.

Since the beginning of our IVF journey, I have felt like this is what we were meant to do. I don't regret any of this process. I don't regret the medication that has entered my body. I don't regret the thousands of dollars spent. I don't regret the time on appointments. No, there are no regrets. I welcome it all because every single part of this journey is taking me to where we're meant to be. There have been many things that I hadn't expected, like deeper friendships being made, a deeper appreciation for doctors, a deeper appreciation for modern medicine, using Facebook again (I don't go on the News Feed part very often yet - baby steps :)), a better understanding of my self, a feeling of connectedness with others, and so much more. Oh, and I also never expected to feel like a hen taking care of her eggs, but now, that's exactly what I feel like. I've got you eggs!

Injection Monitoring Before the Egg Retrieval - IVF

Affirmation this morning: I find the blessings in every experience.

Busy day today. It began with blood work and an ultra sound at HRC in Rancho at 8:15 a.m. I felt like a normal commuter stuck in work traffic this morning, and I was okay with it. I rocked out to some music and got lost in my thoughts (while driving safely of course). I feel blessed that I work close to home, so the freeway isn't a daily experience for me. I did tear up while driving when I saw a report child abuse billboard that showed a picture of a baby and had a speech bubble next to it that said something along the lines of, "call for me because I can't", but I have been known to tear up about billboards and commercials even when I'm not taking IVF medication. The blood work hurt more this morning than the previous times. The nurse said that the medication can make me more sensitive. I must admit that I have been more sensitive lately.

Going off on a tangent real quickly, two days ago was a little much for me. I was feeling overwhelmed and I actually shed some tears during the Menopur injection that Brad gave me. It only lasted for a couple of hours, though, and then I got out of my funk (Brad may disagree with the couple hours part ;)). One of my friends told me to think of the injections and this time in my life as a season that will pass. That is such a great way to look at this process! If I am not mindful of my thoughts, especially right now, this "season" can seem to be never-ending, but there is an end to this all. I won't be taking injections every night for the rest of my life. No, this is just a season. She also told me that the person who gave her acupuncture told her to visualize herself as a hen protecting her eggs. That was a helpful visualization for me. My main focus right now is growing and protecting the eggs that are inside of me, all the while being mindful, present, and optimistic. All the experiences I'm encountering are blessings indeed. The injections are a blessing because they exist, which I'm so grateful for, and because they are tool to help get me one step closer towards becoming a mom. The burning experience from the Menopur is a blessing because it provides me with daily practice for controlling my thoughts, and because it is a reminder that I am alive. The increased sensitivity I've been experiencing is a blessing because it reminds me that I have feelings and that they will continually change.

Okay, getting back to this morning....after my blood work, I met with Dr. Norion for my internal ultra sound. He said that I have 15 follicles on one side and 17 on the other. All the follicles are maturing nicely. In fact, he said that he thinks my egg retrieval will be this Sunday instead of Monday. I get to add a 3rd injection to my nightly ritual starting tonight (two days earlier than anticipated). I only have four more nights of this round of injections, so I can do it. Brad has really become a pro at the injections. He can get everything ready and administer the injections in less than five minutes. I have found that I do better when I don't look at the needles and when I lie down with an ice pack for five minutes prior. It is a little difficult to breath through the injections because they're administered in my stomach and I don't want to move my stomach (breathing will do that to you :)) because I don't want the needle doing anything funky. 

After the ultra sound, Dr. Norion said that he wants to see me Wednesday and Friday (like originally planned). Since I'm using Quest Diagnostics for my blood work this Wednesday, I won't see Dr. Norion until late afternoon that day for my ultra sound. I tried to make an appointment with Quest Diagnostics, but they don't have any openings before 8:15 a.m. I'm going to go in there at 6:55 a.m. and hope that I can get in and out of there by 7:30 a.m. It will all work out. I may need to beg someone there to let me go in front of them so I can make it on time to my field trip, though.

This afternoon, I had an acupuncture appointment. I absolutely love my acupuncture doctor! I've gone to her for my knee and for infertility. Dr. Norion knows her, too! In order to best prepare for the egg retrieval, she suggested that I come see her today and then again on Friday. However, when I saw her today and shared with her how many follicles I currently have, she said she may cancel the Friday appointment. She doesn't want to hyperstimulate my ovaries. I'll email her on Wednesday with the size and amount of my follicles. This round of acupuncture increased blood flow to my uterus and helped my follicles improve. It also helped relax me. Acupuncture can sometimes make me nervous because of the needles. Dr. Watkins uses extremely tiny Japanese needles, but I can sometimes feel them more depending on where they're put. Today, she put some in my ears, in the top of my head, in my stomach, and in my legs. She also used electric stem. Once the needles are in, I don't feel anything. I think it is the memory of some of the pain that I've experienced in the past that causes some of my nervousness. It wasn't bad today at all! Maybe that's because I'm used to getting injections now. Ha! There's another blessing of injections - they help me enjoy acupuncture more.  While I was resting with the acupuncture needles, she talked to me about getting acupuncture for the actual embryo transfer. She is an OBGYN doctor at Loma Linda, so she has had a ton of experience with infertility. She said that studies have shown that having acupuncture 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after the embryo transfer have shown a 40% increase in success of whatever success rate number Dr. Norion gave me. Sounds good! Unfortunately, I can't have Dr. Watkins administer the acupuncture because the transfers are done in Pasadena, and she doesn't work out there. She did say that HRC in Pasadena has someone who does acupuncture there. I'm going to look into it.

This evening, I had an appointment with my therapist. I've been going to him a couple times a month for years and he's wonderful! I go to the doctor's, to yoga, walk, eat healthy, etc. for physical health, and I go to my therapist for mental and well being health. I believe physical health and mental health go hand in hand. My thoughts are powerful and if I don't have control of my thoughts, especially the thoughts that tend to sneak up on me during IVF, I can make myself miserable! My thoughts can create suffering or joy - I choose joy. He knows all about our IVF journey. I filled him in on the current happenings.

To end the day, I had my injections. We added the ganorelix. It wasn't bad. No burning (yay!) and even the Menopur seemed to burn less tonight. Brad did inject the follistim needle without putting the follistim in it, but what's one more needle today, right? He said it was just for fun. Nice cover up ;) Between blood work this morning, acupuncture this afternoon, and my injections this evening, I've been poked fifteen times by a needle today, and I'm still smiling (that's a blessing right there!). I can do this!