Bye-Bye "Value-ing"

To me, I don't prefer "value-ing" something ("value-ing", in my head, is what I do when I put a value on something). The moment I say that I do or don't like something, I am putting a value on it (which makes my ego happy, but doesn't help me grow). For instance, as soon as I say I like something, I'm putting a high (positive) value on it, and as soon as I say I don't like something, I'm putting a low (negative) value on it. I am working on not "value-ing" things by changing my vocabulary.

It's amazing what changing my vocabulary has done for me :) I am replacing "I don't like it" with "I don't prefer it" and I am replacing  "I like it" (well, I normally say love since I'm an NF) with "I prefer it." When I use the word "prefer" instead, I am removing any "value-ing". I'm not putting a value on anything. For example, when I drive around neighborhoods, it's easy for me to say, "I don't like that house," or to think, "Yikes! What is going on there?", but that's a whole lot of "value-ing" going on and a whole lot of ego talk (she always wants the best). Although it's harder for me, since it's new to me, I say, "I don't prefer that house," or think, "Their preference is different than mine."

Tangible objects are ever changing. Things are always getting upgraded and redone. Just think about cell phones...my ego wants the newest, snaziest, up-to-datest, coolest, cell phone out there, and just when it gets it and feels satisfied, the cell phone company flashes a commercial with the new newer model...now my ego is upset and wants the new newest one. Commercials are one of the ego's best friends (unless you have what is on the commercial - then you're it's enemy:)). Commericals are an ego's tease...you know you want me, says the new car on the TV to the ego with the older car. When I put a value on an object, i.e., a cell phone, I'm saying that one is good and another is bad. But isn't that just my opinion? There may be someone else who thinks that the cell phone I said was bad, is good for them...no "value-ing" needed. I either "prefer it" or "don't prefer it". It's as simple as that (sorry ego ;).

Subconsciously, I always knew that saying I liked or didn't like something, wasn't helpful to my growth, but since it was in my subconscious, I never did anything about it. Now, it's in my conscious, and it's time to say bye-bye to "value-ing" and hello to “preference-ing”.

Holding My Hand Up High

"I once read of a man who went into kindergarten class and asked how many of the kids could sing - every hand shot up immediately. How many could dance? Same response. How many could paint? Again, all hands shot up eagerly. He went into a college classroom and asked the same questions. Did he get the same response? No. No hands went up. What happens in those years between five and eighteen to our sense of joy and possibility and personal command of the Universe? We learn to mask ourselves, our surprise and our glee, our sense of self-worth and self-loathing: Don't say you can paint, because someone else might paint better than you do and people will judge. Don't say you can sing, because you're no Johnny Cash. Don't say you can write if you're not on the New York Times best seller list," (Patti Digh - Life is a Verb).

It wasn't too long ago that I was one of those college students in Digh's story. I wouldn't have raised my hand to say that I could sing because I wasn't an American Idol star. I wouldn't have raised my hand to say that I could dance because I wasn't a So You Think You Can Dance? star. I wouldn't have raised my hand to say that I could paint because I didn't have any work on exhibit some place. I knew there were people in the Universe who could do better than me, so I would have kept my hand down low where it wouldn't be seen.

After reading Digh's book, I would now hold my hand up high. Yes, I can sing. Yes, I can dance. Yes, I can paint. Yes, Yes, Yes! As long as I have fun and believe in myself, I can do anything...really, I can! Can I hit the golf ball over the lake...yes, I can! Maybe not right away, but I'll get it and if I say the opposite (no, I can't), then I never will.

I think I would have kept my hand down when asked if I could do something, because I would have thought that someone would have judged me. I would have thought that people would think I was conceded. I would have thought that people would think I was naive.

Today, I won't keep my hand down if someone asks me if I can do something. I'll hold my hand up high. Gone are my fears of people judging my abilities. I believe in me; no mask needed.